I Heart IKEA

When we moved here we brought with us only things that would fit in our baggage allowance. Therefore, we could not bring any furniture with us - so we decided that as soon as we got to Brisbane, we would finally buy a king bed. Since arriving in Australia (can't bring myself to call it "Oz" just yet) we've been sleeping on an old queen bed of Jordan's parents. Or rather, I've been sleeping on it and Jordan has been sleeping on a mattress from his sister's old single bed. Every night he would complain that the bed was "too f-ing uncomfortable" and would invariably end up sleeping on the aforementioned single mattress on the floor. Plus Kubes ends up in our bed every night (by 4AM I'm too exhausted to make the 5 meter trek back to his cot - its easier to just roll over and put him next to me), so on the rare occasion Jordan managed to make it through the night without ending up on the mattress on the floor, it would be a tight squeeze with the three of us. Which is why we decided that the bed we buy has to be a king bed.

So off we went to this cool furniture mall chain they have here in Australia, excited and hopeful because we were going to buy it in an adult furniture store - and by this I mean a store that sold furniture that was not IKEA. To date ALL the furniture we have is from IKEA except for an old leather couch we inherited from Jordan's parents when they moved from Florida to Egypt and a desk from Office Depot.

But to our great chagrin and dismay we couldn't find a single bed that we liked enough to buy. Did you know how expensive non-IKEA furniture is? For a nothing special bed we would have to pay like $1500 and for something a bit nicer or original, upwards of $2000. Not including a mattress. And those start at $1000. So Jordan's mom suggested we go to - where else - IKEA.

Resigned to the fact that its IKEA or a getting a mortgage to buy bedroom furniture (we also need a dresser and bedside cabinets but were willing to settle for a great bed first) we decided to swallow our pride and go to the big blue and yellow store.

And then a funny thing happened when we got there and walked through the door. I got this warm and fuzzy feeling in my stomach...and it hit me - the layout, the font on the displays, the restaurant - it was just like the IKEA in Toronto! It even smelled the same - you IKEA junkies will know what I'm talking about. Not that I expected it to be any different - but for some reason, and I don't know why, but it made me feel like I was home. The only other place that makes me feel like that here is Starbucks - but I won't get into how much I love Starbucks today - I'll save that for later. Anyway, I was also excited to see that there was a bunch of new stuff that I hadn't seen before (which goes to show that its been a while since I've been there). Then, after only a few minutes, we found THE bed. It was just what we were looking for. And there was also an awesome matching dresser with this cool mirror attached to it! Plus, we realized we could get the bed, the dresser and a mattress for less $1200! However, just as I started to plan out what kind of new bedding I would be able to get for it, the furniture gods decided to knock us down because we found out that IKEAs in Australia don't sell king beds. At all. I was near tears and Jordan got so mad, he was thisclose to storming out of the store and cursing the Swedish chain to hell. I was especially mad because I really wanted that dresser - but since its a very dark shade of brown, it wouldn't really go with any other color and since finding a decent bed is going to be a challenge as it is, we didn't want to make it more difficult for ourselves by limiting it to a single color option. So we've decided we can put up with the crap old bed we are using now for a little longer and if we don't find anything good before I go back to Canada, I'll just buy the IKEA bed there and ship it over (PwC is giving me a shipping allowance to ship stuff from Canada to Brisbane - sweet, I know).

But the moral of this story is that even though I was SO disappointed that we couldn't buy the bed (Jordan felt better once we bought him a 50 cent soft serve ice cream), it made me realize that for all my IKEA bashing I actually love the store. It and its furniture are my destiny - I can't escape it. And I can't wait to go back, even if its only to buy some picture frames and candles.

Moving sucks - but Brisbane is cool.

We are now officially citizens of Brisbane, Queensland, Australia. Or, as the locals call it, "Bris-vegas" - though I'm not sure why because I think there is only one casino. I'm sure I'll get it with time. I don't totally get Australians yet. Their sense of humor is a bit more of the 'you'd-find-it-funny-if-you-were-drunk' type. Like how they add "o" to every word. Yummy is "yummo!", the Salvation Army are the "Salvos", registration is "rego", this afternoon is "this arvo". Everyone is called "mate" - men, women, old ladies, babies. Every longish word is abbreviated. McDonalds is called "Maccers", Australia is referred to as "Oz". Also, since Australia is now officially the fattest country in the world (beating the US!) the marketing department of all foods has been busy. Everything has the fat percentage written on it - even if its not something that generally has fat or much fat. For example, milk here is 98% FAT FREE! (not 2%), 99% FAT FREE! (not 1%) or TRIM - 100% FAT FREE! (skim milk). Stuff like salsa too is 99% FAT FREE! Its amazing. Even Jordan's mom falls for it. Shes like "I got the 99% fat free salsa! And the carrots I bought today are 100% FAT FREE!" Ok, I'm kidding but am surprised that the vegetable packets here don't all advertise that they are 100% FAT FREE. Think of how much more they would sell.

Anyway, I need to keep this one short because I need to take a shower - which can only be 4 minutes long because they have water shortages - but more on that later.


PS. I miss Sandy. She'll know what I mean.

Road trip to Brisbane

I mentioned before that we are moving to Brisbane. Well, as part of my transfer compensation, PwC paid for me to have a relocation consultant - an agent who helps us find a place to live in.

So, Jordan decided that we should drive up there from Sydney to scout out a place. When he mentioned it, I thought sure, why not? I looked on the map and Brisbane didn't seem that far away. I thought, like 5-6 hours tops. Ha. Its actually 12 hours ONE WAY. I know, you're thinking, but Kasia, you have a 6 month old baby that needs constant entertaining! Well, I had already agreed and just threw caution to the wind and prayed those 12 hours would pass quickly.

Jordan's parents are eager beavers and wanted to leave at 6AM so that we would get there in time to have a proper meal. Normally I'd laugh at the thought, but I get up around then everyday anyway, so I was game. Plus, I figured if Kubes was still sleepy he'd fall asleep faster once we hit the road.

I have to admit, he was incredibly well behaved on the way up. I mean, don't get me wrong, he had his whiney moments, but really only lost it and cried properly in the last hour of the trip. I was actually surprised because we had just bought him a new car-seat (cost us $440 - damn safest car seat companies take advantage of freaked-out parents and charge a premium - oh well, it turns into a booster later so it should be the last one we buy and it came with two cup-holders - fancy, eh?) , which is more up-right and forward facing. Whenever he fell asleep his little head would fall forward and bob about. I felt so sorry for him - but he didn't seem to mind that much and slept as much as if he were in bed.

Anyway, even though I spent most of the 12 hour trip facing inwards towards Kubes to entertain him (when he and I weren't sleeping), I had a chance to look out the window. And I saw KANGAROOS! I had no idea that they lived so close to civilization - I always thought that they hung out with the other Australian animals, like the wombats, Tasmanian devils and whatnot in the outback somewhere. But no, there they were, chilling with the cows in the fields. Sometimes a whole pack (herd? posse? bunch? - not sure what you call a group of kangaroos together) and sometimes just one. Apparently though, seeing a kangaroo is like seeing a deer in Canada, and it isn't considered a big deal. Well, for me it was and the first time I saw one, we were driving through an area that had signs to watch out for koalas and I was so excited and confused when I saw the kangaroo, I actually yelled out "Oh my God, look its a kangaroo-la-bear!" I actually didn't think it was that funny, but Jordan's parents thought it was hysterical and for the rest of the trip kept asking me if I'd seen any more "kangaroola bears".

The 3 days in Brisbane itself were not that note-worthy - I mean, we accomplished our goal and found a place to rent for a year. Its a nice place that actually used to be some Australian wedding dress designer's studio and workshop. The benefit of that is is that it was spotless - as you would imagine a place that mostly holds expensive, white fabrics to be. Its about a 15 min commute to the center of the city and close to this cute villagey shopping area with a bunch of boutiques, cafes, restaurants and even a small movie theater. I'm really excited about it.

The trip back was...more like you would expect a 12 hour road trip with a 6 month old to be. Not that I blame poor Kubus. He must have been so sick of that car-seat by then. But I discovered one thing that could keep him from crying. And that is singing. I know, I was surprised to learn that I am actually Mariah Carey (to my son's ears) but I am. I started to go through all the songs of childhood I know - you know, Insy-Winsy Spider, Row Row Row Your Boat...then after I exhausted those, I moved on to songs I know from movies - mostly from The Sound of Music - Kubus likes "My Favorite Things" (and I like it because I know all the words) and "Doe Rae Me" (hard to mess that one up). The problem was the the SECOND I would stop singing, Kubes would screw his little face up and start crying. And if I didn't start with another song immediately, it would be too late and he would get uncontrollable. At that point the only thing I could come up with were Christmas carols. So I busted out with the Jingle Bells, the Silent Nights and some Polish ones (I thought I should mix in some Polish in there and to be honest, Polish carols are pretty much the only songs I know words too...). Anyway, after like 4 hours of singing I started to lose it and the only song that I could come up with is this random song that goes "There were 10 in the bed and the little one said, roll-over, roll-over, so they all rolled over and one fell out...and then there were 9 in the bed..." and so on. Turns out Kubus LOVED this song. He would burst out into a little giggle whenever I started on a new number. And I was so relieved, that once I got to "1 in the bed" I couldn't stop and would just start over again from 10. By the time we arrived at home, I think I sang it like 7 times in a row. At one point I tried to go back to a different song but couldn't remember the words because I was so tired - so I just stuck to the "10 in the bed" song. Let me tell you, I hope I never have to sing that song again for as long as I live.

All in all, I would consider the trip successful - but I don't ever want to do it again. Nor do any of the other adults in the house want to hear my singing for 12 hours, so they unanimously decided to let me and Kubus fly up to Brisbane when we move this Monday. I'd be insulted but I'm just way too relieved to be.

Thats all for now. Will update again soon.

Kasia

5 months - part 2

So...the move. To be honest, the main reason that we're in Australia now is because Jordan really wanted to go and I felt that I owed it to him, since he stuck it out in Canada for 5 years for me. He was getting bored with his job (he was an independent contractor working for a US tech firm) and decided that he wanted to get an MBA - and thought that it would be nice for a change to go to his part of the world to do it. Jordan's parents moved there (or rather, here since I'm here now) a year ago with the plan of moving up to Brisbane, on the east coast after Jordan's sister is done high school, where they planned to build or buy a home to retire in. This worked out well for us, because we figured that when I go back to work, and if Jordan is in school, his mum could watch Kubus. I have to admit, I was totally dreading the thought of putting the little guy into daycare and a nanny would not only be expensive, but I know that I would be jealous of her. I would end up pulling a Britney and would fire the nanny whenever I thought my baby was getting too attached (its true, I read about it in People or OK or something else credible). Anyway, after the family all left after I had the baby Jordan and I started talking and one day we just decided we would move. I could tell that Jordan was just feeling a bit restless too - and I considered it to be an adventure, so we bought one way tickets.

Let me tell you the trip over here was interesting. I was so thankful (and incredibly smug) because Kubus was an angel on the flight from Toronto to Vancouver and then from Vancouver to Auckland (we flew to New Zealand first to introduce him to Jordan's extended family). Jordan and I would look over at the other crying babies and smirkingly go on about how they are such brats and how good Kubus is, congratulating ourselves on our parenting skills. HA. God decided we needed to be taken down a peg or two and had Kubus SCREAM for half the flight from New Zealand to Sydney. I have to say, I was SO embarrassed and I felt sorry for the other passengers (I tried to avoid eye contact because I'm sure there were lots of evil looks). I also felt sorry for Kubus because something must have been really bothering him, I think he had a tummy-ache. It was so bad that at the end of the flight, one couple with kids came up to me and said I was doing a really good job. It actually made me feel better.

Fast forward to now...well, we arrived in Sydney in the first week of April and I have to admit, that it was on that first day there, in Jordan's parents house that they rented, that it really hit me that I've moved...and that I moved somewhere that I've never been to before and that I didn't have any of my stuff. I was actually homesick for the first time in my life. I mean, we only brought what would fit in our baggage allowance and the baby stuff took up more room that I thought...plus at that stage I was going through an awkward fat stage of not fitting into any of my old clothes, but not wanting to waste money on fat transition clothes, so I wasn't sure what to take. I didn't want to waste room bringing stuff that might not fit for months (or ever, but I'm totally in denial about it even being a possibility) but also didn't only want to be stuck with stretchy black pants and hoodies. But the main point is that I really didn't feel "at home" at Jordan's parents house. Don't get me wrong, they are nice people and I get along with them better than probably 99% of people do with their in-laws...and we are paying them rent...but when you want to do little things like watch TV you feel guilty, worrying that someone else wants to watch something and are secretly annoyed....plus Jordan's mom is like Martha Stewart. Her house is always spotless and I feel like I'm just making more work for her. Its getting much better now - but I still have days when I yearn for the snow covered ground of Toronto...

Anyway...I realized when I read over my previous email that I didn't really mention Kubus himself much and how he's changed. Now, don't worry ladies, this is NOT going to be a list of reasons why I think he's a genius and that they should offer him a place at Harvard now (even though I'm surprised I haven't received the pre-acceptance letter yet, but I'm not going to hold it against Harvard - I'm sure its in the mail). No. I will NOT do that to you. But I do want to say that he's such an awesome kid. I often look at him and just say "Jordan, oh my God, look how cute he is - come here and see" - and Jordan will come over and say "he IS cute". We do this on average 10 times a day. Also, sometimes he's in this awesome mood where he'll laugh and giggle for no reason - anything we do seems hilarious to him. Its so funny to watch. Though I must admit that he did inherit my dad's and Jordan's temper. He is the king of "packing a shit" as we lovingly call it, when something doesn't go his way. And he HATES getting dressed. Honestly, he will scream bloody murder when I try to put his pants or a shirt on. You'd think I was scalding him with hot oil. He's really fascinated by Rosie, Jordan's parents dog, even though she hates him. She's so jealous of him, especially when Jordan's mom pays attention to him - she refuses to look him in the eye, and growls if we bring him close to her. And I don't think it helps that his version of petting her is grabbing her fur and not letting go.

The one issue we are dealing with now is that we've started calling him Kubes - like boobs. I think it started because I'd call him goober, which turned into goobs, and now Kubes. Jordan's mom is worried that if we keep it up, kids will call him Pubes when he goes to school...and i think shes right. Oh well. we'll cross that bridge when we get there.

I decided since I have all this time now, I have no excuse not to finally get into shape. Jordan and I started running - we try to go every day while Jordan's mom watches Kubes. Also I joined this boot-camp fitness class. I was kind of hoping that it would be full of fatties and that I would be the thin one, but when I got there it was 3 guys who look like they should be in the olympics and 2 girls, one of whom I think is another instructor at the place and the other is this thin little thing who claims she wants muscles. Bitch (just kidding). Anyway, it actually makes me the token fat person. Oh well. It just makes me that much more motivated. I'm pretty sure its starting to kick in 'cause I've lost over 5 pounds in 2 weeks. And now that I've made a public declaration of losing the weight I have to lose the remaining weight. (FYI - breast feeding does help with weight loss but does NOT "melt away the pounds" like I was told) I'll send you guys "before and after" pictures. My goal is to be back to my pre-wedding weight before Kubes' 1st birthday.

Kasia

PS. Oh I forgot to mention that I did get a transfer, and will be working at PricewaterhouseCoopers in Brisbane starting November.

5 month update - part 1

I realized today that since Kubus is going to be 5 months old in 2 days, now would be a good time to update you guys on life as a mother, my recent move and other things that you may (or may not) find interesting - and Julia told me to write another mass email, so this is really to humor her (kidding).

So, what has my experience of being a mother been like? Here's my top 7 things that I learned:

1. It is amazing how little sleep you need to function. I used to think that I needed at least 8 hours of sleep to feel normal but I've decided that sleep is over-rated. In truth, as long as I get 3 hours in a row, I'm golden. It is now my opinion that if you're waking up after sunrise, you are lazy. Haha, yeah right - honestly, after some nights of getting up so many times I can't keep track, if I were offered a million dollars or 3 hours of solid, uninterrupted sleep, I would take sleep HANDS DOWN.

2. Its amazing how interesting (or panic creating) poo can be. Seriously - I was totally freaked out at first because Kubus would only poo every 2 or 3 days. Then when he did, there was the analysis of the poo - how big is it, is it too runny, too smelly, why is it green when its supposed to be mustard colored!?!?!? I got over it eventually when my doctor told us that breast-fed babies can poo as much as 5-6 times a day or NOT AT ALL because its very efficient food that doesn't create a lot of waste. He still only poos every 2-3 days and now I consider myself lucky - I mean, who wants to change poo diapers (or nappies for you brits) if you have to?

3. How much I don't care about people seeing my boobs. Before I had Kubus, I used to look at women breast-feeding in public in disbelief, and vowed I would never embarrass myself/make people uncomfortable like that when I had a baby. Well, thats out the window - I tell you once you give birth with 30 people looking at your va-jay-jay, nothing can top that and whats a little nipple on display every once in a while? Don't get me wrong - its not like I do the African thing and have my boobs hanging out all the time, but I have no qualms about (discretely) whipping one out in restaurants, mall benches, the subway...its much more preferable to me to have people see my boobs than to have to hold a screaming baby.

4. How much I would love my baby. I'm ashamed to admit that while I was pregnant I used to wonder sometimes if it was really worth it to give up so many things for a baby and I wondered if I would really love him, because even though inside me, he felt like a stranger. And even in the first few days, I wasn't sure what to think of him - I mean, I was proud of him and thought he was cute - but it didn't hit me until a bit later (once I started to recover) how powerful my feeling for him were. And I know this is cliche, but I honestly love him more and more everyday. When he smiles at me, its like for that second I feel like my life if totally perfect, like its proof that there is a God because there is no other explanation for how wonderful it is.

5. Patience. I can't believe how much more patient I am now. Its amazing - Kubus sometimes has these terrible tummy-aches and will SCREAM for up to 2 hours and the whole time I'm only concerned with his pain and not at all with the screaming itself. I'm also more patient with Jordan, with my parents and just with motherly things, like breastfeeding (its boring sitting there for 30 min or an hour in pitch dark at night, waiting for him to finish eating and go back to sleep - sometimes I watch sex and the city episodes in my head but I usually end up being too tired so I just stare into the dark). I'm also not so bothered by other babies crying. On the plane I was GRATEFUL that some other babies cried because if Kubus cried, then at least he wasn't the only one. Though I still get annoyed by screaming kids when i go to the mall and look at them as little germ-infested brats who should never be let out.

6. I want a "mom" hair cut - and a mini van. Ok, I'm kidding about the mini-van - and if anyone ever hears me saying I do want one, please feel free to slap me and tell me to snap out of it. But seriously, I am thinking about cutting my hair. One thing that they don't tell you is that hormones can screw up your body. In my case, one of the worst physical side-effects of this post-partum period has been hair loss. I thought I got lucky because during pregnancy, my hair became fuller, longer and SO healthy looking. But now its falling out by the clump full - I actually have bald patches, especially visible along my hair line - I look like I lost a good inch of it it in the front. And even though I love Jordan's mom, when I told her what was happening she said "ah, yes, my hair fell out after I had my babies and it never grew back" - I stared at her in disbelief and Jordan shot her an evil look and I guess she realized what she just said and tried to make it better by adding "but I'm sure that won't happen to you". Anyway, it depresses me when I think about it. Hence the need to cut my hair because it look gross when I pull it back and my pony tail is so skinny now, it looks like a rat-tail. Ok, I might be exaggerating a little, and I think its starting to grow back in places, but it also doesn't help that Kubus loves to grab at it and pull.

7. How much I still love celebrity gossip. You'd think that having a baby would put things into perspective for me, but I can't help it. I still log on to People.com whenever I get a chance and I secretly feel cool because it seems to be the "in" thing to have a baby now. Kind of like having that new "it" bag before everyone. And I still think that one of the coolest things about my trip over here was that I saw Emily Blunt (the assistant girl from Devil Wears Prada) in the business class lounge in the Vancouver airport - and that she was interrupted from reading a script when Kubus decided to throw a fit (she looked at us as if she would gladly have us leave).

OK...its now 9PM in Sydney and its my bed time. Going to sleep any later than 10PM would be like going to sleep at 4AM for a normal person and having to get up for work the next day. It sucks because I miss all the good TV shows - but luckily Jordan's parents have a PVR so I can record things (when I remember).


Kasia

The email thats started it all...

WARNING! THERE MAYBE "TOO MUCH INFORMATION" HERE

Hello ladies!

As you all probably know by now, my and Jordan's son was born on December 1st - so exactly a week ago (though it seems like MONTHS). Anyway, I thought I share my experience of the birth and after with you guys - but this includes the ugly (like pooping on the delivery table - but more on THAT later) with the good (losing 26 lbs in 5 days - really! Now only 300 more to go...) so consider yourselves warned.

After two false alarms (sorry Sandy!), when my contractions started on November 29th after my dr gave me a vigorous internal exam called "stripping the membranes" and didn't stop 24 hours later (though they were irregular and varied in intensity), we were all pretty sure that this was "it" this time (though Jordan was sure that finding out I passed the UFE is what did it). Anyway, so at about 5PM we decided to head to the hospital as the contractions were coming pretty much every 5-6 minutes. By the time we got to the hospital, they had started to get much stronger but when the doctor examined me he said that i was "only" 4cm dilated and that they wouldn't admit me! I almost started to cry 'cause I really didn't want to go home. Luckily he said he didn't want me to go home either - and suggested we walk around the hospital for an hour or two and then get re-examined do see how much progress I was making. The only place we could find to kind of hang out in was the cafeteria, and since it was closed, there was no one there. We sent the moms off to get some food for Jordan (the doc told me to not eat anything and only drink little amounts of water) and we walked around the cafeteria. It was so boring (imagine doing laps around a room full of plastic tables and chairs) and since we didn't bring our bags with entertainment in them with us, the only thing to read was a job postings paper. We would read a page of ads after every lap. Like, did you know that as a truck driver you can make up to $1100 a week? I didn't - in fact, I always thought that they made more. Oh and we learned that we can rent the baby out (if he's cute enough, which he clearly is) to film studios etc and can make like $30K a year for ads/movies/tv shows etc. We are considering it (haha, yeah right).

Well, during these laps around the cafeteria, the pain of the contractions got MUCH worse after just an hour - like you can't talk, can't think but can only breathe heavily and moan kind of pain and I was starting to panic in my head (thinking like, holy crap, I'm not even in enough pain to get ADMITTED, what the F is it going to be like when its considered real??) and started thinking maybe we decided to get pregnant too early, though it was a little late for that. Anyway, we decided to wait till the moms got back and then we headed back to get me examined.

Once in the examination room, the doc told me that I was 5cm and could be admitted. He also saw my face (i.e how much pain I was in) and told me about the option of getting an epidural again (I had declined one earlier, thinking that I might be able to go au natural - HA! Man was I delusional). He convinced me to get one and off I went. Honestly, it was a good choice - by then the contractions were SO strong and so frequent, some on top of one another, that I didn't get even get the chance to rest in between them...

Luckily, the anesthesiologist came to my labor room right away to get me hooked up to the drugs. For those of you who don't know or aren't sure, an epidural is a huge needle that they SCREW INTO YOUR BACK and then attach an IV of pain meds into. Jordan said he almost passed out when he saw how big it was (I didn't see it thank God). Getting it put in was not the most pleasant cause the contractions were coming so close together and he would have to stop every time because you have to be completely still when its being inserted. So the whole thing took like 15 minutes or more to do. Also this was the point where I let out a huge fart, pretty much right into the anesthesiologist's face - now, I was completely embarrassed because you pretty much lose control of all bodily functions once in labor so I didn't even feel it sneaking up on me (Jordan almost pissed himself - I think this was his favorite part of the labor) and I apologized profusely - the guy didn't care (at least thats what he said) and continued to sing his Hindi song (oh right, I just realized that as he was working away screwing this needle into my back, he was singing this Hindi song - you know the type you hear in Indian restaurants etc - its hard to do an impression over email). But whatever - he was my favorite person at the moment 'cause once the epidural was in and the drugs started to flow, it was HEAVEN.

Ok, skipping forward...once I got my epidural, a few minutes later my waters broke (on their own!) and after that I progressed really quickly. The only interesting thing that happened during this time was when I projectile vomited half a bottle of Gatorade across the room. Since I hadn't eaten dinner before we went to the hospital and I was only allowed to sip small amounts of water or juice, I ended up drinking more than I should and the hormones or whatever didn't let me keep it down. In total I threw up 4 times during the labor, but the projectile vomit was the only one that was really worth mentioning.

Anyway, at some point I was fully dilated and the doc wanted me to get some sleep before trying to push, since the baby wasn't quite low enough. And then the fun really began. For the pushing, basically you "push" (and this is best described as trying to push out a huge poo - the nurse and doc were even like, "push like you're trying to have a bowl movement - you should feel it against your rectum") when a contraction comes. I was really nervous, 'cause I heard that like 50% of women end up pooing on the table during this stage and I was TERRIFIED it would happen to me - not because I would be embarrassed (well, I would be a bit) in front of the dr and nurse (they've seen it all) but because I KNEW Jordan would never let me forget - and that he would tell everyone. Anyway, after a few attempts of trying not to poo while still effectively pushing I gave up - and just started giving it my all. At some point I just stopped caring too because I was getting exhausted. Well, ladies, to spare you the suspense, I did end up pooping on the table - a little (so its not like I pushed out this huge log, just a few little squirts), which I didn't (and Jordan didn't) see but unfortunately could smell a little. Oh well.

So I pushed and pushed for about 2 hours and the dr checked me and....hardly ANY progress had been made - meaning that the baby had not descended that much. I just about cried 'cause I was so drained and in pain by then that I didn't know how I would continue. You see, the epidural is only so strong and at some point, you will feel pain - which is actually the point for the pushing because you need to be able to feel the contraction in order to push efficiently. The dr suggested I take a nap for an hour and try pushing again. Jordan and I were both exhausted by this point so we really welcomed the idea. Let me tell you, the hour flew by and even though I was in pain, I was able to give myself a top up of the epidural (at the hospital i gave birth in, they give you this trigger thingy with which you can top up the pain meds from the base level every 15 min) which helped me kind of doze (though I was woken up by the contractions every time). Then doc and nurse came to wake us and try pushing again.

This is where it got scary. I pushed for 2 HOURS more and still very little progress had been made (though you could just see the baby's head when I pushed) and the dr had said that if it wasn't better by 10AM, we would have to go for a forecepts delivery and if that didn't work, a C-section. This broke my heart and I started crying. I couldn't believe that with a relatively easy labor and all that pain and exhaustion of pushing I might end up with a C-section. I kind of felt like I had failed or something. They brought in an OB specialist who told me we could try the forecepts first and then see if a C-section was needed or go straight for a C-section. I honestly didn't know what to do 'cause forecepts are pretty brutal. They are basically these huge metal salad spoons which are put into you and clamped over the baby's head, and the docs pull the baby out while you push - and the ALWAYS have to cut you open a bit more down there for everything to fit. And I thought, well if this doesn't work, I have a cut down there AND abdominal surgery?? That would be just so unfair. I just cried and told Jordan he had to make the decision because I just couldn't. He decided we should try the forecepts first anyway.

So they wheeled me into an OR. It was really scary - there were like 30 people in there, all these nurses, my dr, my nurse, the OB specialist, an OB resident, 2 pediatricians, a med student and a new anesthesiologist. I had my legs put into these huge clamps and was told to push. This was the most painful bit because I actually felt them go in and do whatever it is they were doing. The anesthesiologist kept giving me more drugs but I honestly don't think they worked (or if they did, well then I would have probably passed out from the pain if I had no drugs). Usually, with forecepts deliveries a couple of pushes is all it takes but for me it took like 15 or 20. It was excruciating. The anesthesiologist was super sweet and kept trying to distract me, telling me to think of baby names (we still hadn't had one picked out by then). To tell the shameful truth, by then I didn't even care about the baby anymore. I didn't care about anything except how much pain I was in and for some reason, the only thought that came to my head was that if this were medieval times or even later, I would for SURE have been one of those women that died during childbirth. However, we finally got to the point to where I could feel the baby coming out so I really gave it my all and pushed. It was amazing. And once he was out, I feel like I forgot about all the pain and all I could think was I have my baby. The nurse took him to the pediatricians to get checked out and I sent Jordan over to be with him while the dr.'s stitched up my poor va-jay-jay.

Ok, skipping forward again...I was in the hospital for 3 days (he was born Saturday morning and we came home Tuesday). It is so much nicer to be home - those first 3 days seemed to last forever. I think I had 6 hours of cumulative sleep during the entire 3 days, not to mention the little sleep I got before the baby was born. I couldn't sleep much during the night cause I was scared the baby would stop breathing (yes, I know, I know) so I would look into his bassinet like every 5 min and during the day the nurses and hospital staff kept coming in to check up on us and of course it would always be when I was trying to sleep. Since we've been home its been much better. I'm having a bit of a hard time with the breast feeding so I have to pump a bit to supplement him - but hopefully this will pass soon. Jakub is SUCH a good baby too - so far we've been so lucky with how calm he is and how much he sleeps. He really only cries when we change his diaper or when he's hungery, but is really easily settled. Also, we're lucky to have both our moms so I don't have to worry about dinner/laundry/keeping the place clean - I'm truly blessed with both of them...also, if I need to take a nap, there is always someone to watch him. However, I was feeling (and still am feeling) really exhausted and worn out, even more than I expected...and it wasn't getting better, in fact, I felt worse than after delivery. It turned out that I have a severe bladder infection and my stitches in my va-jay-jay also got infected. So I walk with the speed of an 80 year old man in need of a hip replacement and both sitting and standing up at terribly painful for me. Plus, this is something they don't tell you, I have NO bladder control. Its like I have to force myself to go to the bathroom every 2-3 hours and just sit on the toilet to see if pee comes out, cause I might pee myself (this unfortunately happened in the hospital - Jordan made me laugh and I wet myself completely - and no, it wasn't like a few drops, it was my entire BLADDER. I was so mad at him but I was both laughing and crying at the same time). Luckily, at the hospital they are prepared and I had a super absorbent pad on me and underneath me. Oh and the hormones...the hormones are really kicking my ass now. As you all probably know I am a crier - when I got pregnant I became an even bigger crier...now, its like pregnant me on crack. A sad story (my mom was telling Jordan and his mom about how horrible giving birth during communist Poland was and the stories she told had me really upset), a happy story (about the winner of Britain's Got Talent winner Paul Potts - he's an amazing singer) a song on the radio (I was taking a bath and Jordan put on a Foo Fighters CD and the song "Hands on a Miracle" came on and I lost it and started sobbing in the bath even though I have no idea what the song is about but the title just got to me I guess), any classical music (Andrea Botcelli kills me) and really just LOOKING at Kubus (Polish version of Jake or Jakey) I get emotional. The best is when I spontaneously burst into tears for no reason and everyone looks at me, all concerned and is like "whats wrong?", and I respond with a "I-I-I don't don't knoooooowwww!" which just makes it worse.

Wow, this is a LONG email...I should probably wrap it up but I have to mention one thing and that is how great Jordan (and my mom and his mom) has been throughout the entire thing. He is totally in love with our little man and its the sweetest thing in the world to see them cuddling. The other day (or rather in the middle of the night) Jordan and Kubus fell asleep together on the bed, with Jordan's arm wrapped around him while I was in the bathroom forcing myself to pee - going wee wee now takes about 10-15 min cause I have to a) make sure that I'm actually done - once I got up and noticed there was still a stream going and b) I can't wipe yet so I have to squirt water down there to get clean and after dab it for a bit till its dry. Honestly, one of the things I'm looking forward to the most is being able to pee normally. But I digress... I was talking about Jordan being amazing. He's also been so sweet to me and was great during the labor and delivery. Poor guy, the delivery was really hard on him - he felt so helpless when they were using the forecepts and I was crying...but he just held my hand and told me he loved me...later he said it was horrible because he honestly thought that I would die or that he would have to make the decision of whether I or the baby should live.

Ok, I'm really going to finish now. I miss you all - it seems like forever since I talked or saw any of you guys...I hope that even though i've had this baby I'll be able to keep in touch and also hope that you understand if I decline certain events/outings etc for a while. Keep me up to date on your lives!

Lots of love,

Kasia

PS. Oh yeah, I just have to add this - remember how I said there was a med student in the delivery room? Well it turned out to be a friend from university's (Linda) fiancee, whom I have not only met in the past but also have had dinner with on occasion and chatted with at a bunch of parties. Its weird knowing that someone I know (esp since its a guy) has literally seen ALL of me...probably more than even my own husband. I don't really care and I didn't even realize until afterwards when he and the resident came to check up on me. I think it was weirder for him when he realized (also after) than me. During the delivery I couldn't care less if everyone I knew was watching.

Ok, for real, I'm done. XXX Kasia