The email thats started it all...

WARNING! THERE MAYBE "TOO MUCH INFORMATION" HERE

Hello ladies!

As you all probably know by now, my and Jordan's son was born on December 1st - so exactly a week ago (though it seems like MONTHS). Anyway, I thought I share my experience of the birth and after with you guys - but this includes the ugly (like pooping on the delivery table - but more on THAT later) with the good (losing 26 lbs in 5 days - really! Now only 300 more to go...) so consider yourselves warned.

After two false alarms (sorry Sandy!), when my contractions started on November 29th after my dr gave me a vigorous internal exam called "stripping the membranes" and didn't stop 24 hours later (though they were irregular and varied in intensity), we were all pretty sure that this was "it" this time (though Jordan was sure that finding out I passed the UFE is what did it). Anyway, so at about 5PM we decided to head to the hospital as the contractions were coming pretty much every 5-6 minutes. By the time we got to the hospital, they had started to get much stronger but when the doctor examined me he said that i was "only" 4cm dilated and that they wouldn't admit me! I almost started to cry 'cause I really didn't want to go home. Luckily he said he didn't want me to go home either - and suggested we walk around the hospital for an hour or two and then get re-examined do see how much progress I was making. The only place we could find to kind of hang out in was the cafeteria, and since it was closed, there was no one there. We sent the moms off to get some food for Jordan (the doc told me to not eat anything and only drink little amounts of water) and we walked around the cafeteria. It was so boring (imagine doing laps around a room full of plastic tables and chairs) and since we didn't bring our bags with entertainment in them with us, the only thing to read was a job postings paper. We would read a page of ads after every lap. Like, did you know that as a truck driver you can make up to $1100 a week? I didn't - in fact, I always thought that they made more. Oh and we learned that we can rent the baby out (if he's cute enough, which he clearly is) to film studios etc and can make like $30K a year for ads/movies/tv shows etc. We are considering it (haha, yeah right).

Well, during these laps around the cafeteria, the pain of the contractions got MUCH worse after just an hour - like you can't talk, can't think but can only breathe heavily and moan kind of pain and I was starting to panic in my head (thinking like, holy crap, I'm not even in enough pain to get ADMITTED, what the F is it going to be like when its considered real??) and started thinking maybe we decided to get pregnant too early, though it was a little late for that. Anyway, we decided to wait till the moms got back and then we headed back to get me examined.

Once in the examination room, the doc told me that I was 5cm and could be admitted. He also saw my face (i.e how much pain I was in) and told me about the option of getting an epidural again (I had declined one earlier, thinking that I might be able to go au natural - HA! Man was I delusional). He convinced me to get one and off I went. Honestly, it was a good choice - by then the contractions were SO strong and so frequent, some on top of one another, that I didn't get even get the chance to rest in between them...

Luckily, the anesthesiologist came to my labor room right away to get me hooked up to the drugs. For those of you who don't know or aren't sure, an epidural is a huge needle that they SCREW INTO YOUR BACK and then attach an IV of pain meds into. Jordan said he almost passed out when he saw how big it was (I didn't see it thank God). Getting it put in was not the most pleasant cause the contractions were coming so close together and he would have to stop every time because you have to be completely still when its being inserted. So the whole thing took like 15 minutes or more to do. Also this was the point where I let out a huge fart, pretty much right into the anesthesiologist's face - now, I was completely embarrassed because you pretty much lose control of all bodily functions once in labor so I didn't even feel it sneaking up on me (Jordan almost pissed himself - I think this was his favorite part of the labor) and I apologized profusely - the guy didn't care (at least thats what he said) and continued to sing his Hindi song (oh right, I just realized that as he was working away screwing this needle into my back, he was singing this Hindi song - you know the type you hear in Indian restaurants etc - its hard to do an impression over email). But whatever - he was my favorite person at the moment 'cause once the epidural was in and the drugs started to flow, it was HEAVEN.

Ok, skipping forward...once I got my epidural, a few minutes later my waters broke (on their own!) and after that I progressed really quickly. The only interesting thing that happened during this time was when I projectile vomited half a bottle of Gatorade across the room. Since I hadn't eaten dinner before we went to the hospital and I was only allowed to sip small amounts of water or juice, I ended up drinking more than I should and the hormones or whatever didn't let me keep it down. In total I threw up 4 times during the labor, but the projectile vomit was the only one that was really worth mentioning.

Anyway, at some point I was fully dilated and the doc wanted me to get some sleep before trying to push, since the baby wasn't quite low enough. And then the fun really began. For the pushing, basically you "push" (and this is best described as trying to push out a huge poo - the nurse and doc were even like, "push like you're trying to have a bowl movement - you should feel it against your rectum") when a contraction comes. I was really nervous, 'cause I heard that like 50% of women end up pooing on the table during this stage and I was TERRIFIED it would happen to me - not because I would be embarrassed (well, I would be a bit) in front of the dr and nurse (they've seen it all) but because I KNEW Jordan would never let me forget - and that he would tell everyone. Anyway, after a few attempts of trying not to poo while still effectively pushing I gave up - and just started giving it my all. At some point I just stopped caring too because I was getting exhausted. Well, ladies, to spare you the suspense, I did end up pooping on the table - a little (so its not like I pushed out this huge log, just a few little squirts), which I didn't (and Jordan didn't) see but unfortunately could smell a little. Oh well.

So I pushed and pushed for about 2 hours and the dr checked me and....hardly ANY progress had been made - meaning that the baby had not descended that much. I just about cried 'cause I was so drained and in pain by then that I didn't know how I would continue. You see, the epidural is only so strong and at some point, you will feel pain - which is actually the point for the pushing because you need to be able to feel the contraction in order to push efficiently. The dr suggested I take a nap for an hour and try pushing again. Jordan and I were both exhausted by this point so we really welcomed the idea. Let me tell you, the hour flew by and even though I was in pain, I was able to give myself a top up of the epidural (at the hospital i gave birth in, they give you this trigger thingy with which you can top up the pain meds from the base level every 15 min) which helped me kind of doze (though I was woken up by the contractions every time). Then doc and nurse came to wake us and try pushing again.

This is where it got scary. I pushed for 2 HOURS more and still very little progress had been made (though you could just see the baby's head when I pushed) and the dr had said that if it wasn't better by 10AM, we would have to go for a forecepts delivery and if that didn't work, a C-section. This broke my heart and I started crying. I couldn't believe that with a relatively easy labor and all that pain and exhaustion of pushing I might end up with a C-section. I kind of felt like I had failed or something. They brought in an OB specialist who told me we could try the forecepts first and then see if a C-section was needed or go straight for a C-section. I honestly didn't know what to do 'cause forecepts are pretty brutal. They are basically these huge metal salad spoons which are put into you and clamped over the baby's head, and the docs pull the baby out while you push - and the ALWAYS have to cut you open a bit more down there for everything to fit. And I thought, well if this doesn't work, I have a cut down there AND abdominal surgery?? That would be just so unfair. I just cried and told Jordan he had to make the decision because I just couldn't. He decided we should try the forecepts first anyway.

So they wheeled me into an OR. It was really scary - there were like 30 people in there, all these nurses, my dr, my nurse, the OB specialist, an OB resident, 2 pediatricians, a med student and a new anesthesiologist. I had my legs put into these huge clamps and was told to push. This was the most painful bit because I actually felt them go in and do whatever it is they were doing. The anesthesiologist kept giving me more drugs but I honestly don't think they worked (or if they did, well then I would have probably passed out from the pain if I had no drugs). Usually, with forecepts deliveries a couple of pushes is all it takes but for me it took like 15 or 20. It was excruciating. The anesthesiologist was super sweet and kept trying to distract me, telling me to think of baby names (we still hadn't had one picked out by then). To tell the shameful truth, by then I didn't even care about the baby anymore. I didn't care about anything except how much pain I was in and for some reason, the only thought that came to my head was that if this were medieval times or even later, I would for SURE have been one of those women that died during childbirth. However, we finally got to the point to where I could feel the baby coming out so I really gave it my all and pushed. It was amazing. And once he was out, I feel like I forgot about all the pain and all I could think was I have my baby. The nurse took him to the pediatricians to get checked out and I sent Jordan over to be with him while the dr.'s stitched up my poor va-jay-jay.

Ok, skipping forward again...I was in the hospital for 3 days (he was born Saturday morning and we came home Tuesday). It is so much nicer to be home - those first 3 days seemed to last forever. I think I had 6 hours of cumulative sleep during the entire 3 days, not to mention the little sleep I got before the baby was born. I couldn't sleep much during the night cause I was scared the baby would stop breathing (yes, I know, I know) so I would look into his bassinet like every 5 min and during the day the nurses and hospital staff kept coming in to check up on us and of course it would always be when I was trying to sleep. Since we've been home its been much better. I'm having a bit of a hard time with the breast feeding so I have to pump a bit to supplement him - but hopefully this will pass soon. Jakub is SUCH a good baby too - so far we've been so lucky with how calm he is and how much he sleeps. He really only cries when we change his diaper or when he's hungery, but is really easily settled. Also, we're lucky to have both our moms so I don't have to worry about dinner/laundry/keeping the place clean - I'm truly blessed with both of them...also, if I need to take a nap, there is always someone to watch him. However, I was feeling (and still am feeling) really exhausted and worn out, even more than I expected...and it wasn't getting better, in fact, I felt worse than after delivery. It turned out that I have a severe bladder infection and my stitches in my va-jay-jay also got infected. So I walk with the speed of an 80 year old man in need of a hip replacement and both sitting and standing up at terribly painful for me. Plus, this is something they don't tell you, I have NO bladder control. Its like I have to force myself to go to the bathroom every 2-3 hours and just sit on the toilet to see if pee comes out, cause I might pee myself (this unfortunately happened in the hospital - Jordan made me laugh and I wet myself completely - and no, it wasn't like a few drops, it was my entire BLADDER. I was so mad at him but I was both laughing and crying at the same time). Luckily, at the hospital they are prepared and I had a super absorbent pad on me and underneath me. Oh and the hormones...the hormones are really kicking my ass now. As you all probably know I am a crier - when I got pregnant I became an even bigger crier...now, its like pregnant me on crack. A sad story (my mom was telling Jordan and his mom about how horrible giving birth during communist Poland was and the stories she told had me really upset), a happy story (about the winner of Britain's Got Talent winner Paul Potts - he's an amazing singer) a song on the radio (I was taking a bath and Jordan put on a Foo Fighters CD and the song "Hands on a Miracle" came on and I lost it and started sobbing in the bath even though I have no idea what the song is about but the title just got to me I guess), any classical music (Andrea Botcelli kills me) and really just LOOKING at Kubus (Polish version of Jake or Jakey) I get emotional. The best is when I spontaneously burst into tears for no reason and everyone looks at me, all concerned and is like "whats wrong?", and I respond with a "I-I-I don't don't knoooooowwww!" which just makes it worse.

Wow, this is a LONG email...I should probably wrap it up but I have to mention one thing and that is how great Jordan (and my mom and his mom) has been throughout the entire thing. He is totally in love with our little man and its the sweetest thing in the world to see them cuddling. The other day (or rather in the middle of the night) Jordan and Kubus fell asleep together on the bed, with Jordan's arm wrapped around him while I was in the bathroom forcing myself to pee - going wee wee now takes about 10-15 min cause I have to a) make sure that I'm actually done - once I got up and noticed there was still a stream going and b) I can't wipe yet so I have to squirt water down there to get clean and after dab it for a bit till its dry. Honestly, one of the things I'm looking forward to the most is being able to pee normally. But I digress... I was talking about Jordan being amazing. He's also been so sweet to me and was great during the labor and delivery. Poor guy, the delivery was really hard on him - he felt so helpless when they were using the forecepts and I was crying...but he just held my hand and told me he loved me...later he said it was horrible because he honestly thought that I would die or that he would have to make the decision of whether I or the baby should live.

Ok, I'm really going to finish now. I miss you all - it seems like forever since I talked or saw any of you guys...I hope that even though i've had this baby I'll be able to keep in touch and also hope that you understand if I decline certain events/outings etc for a while. Keep me up to date on your lives!

Lots of love,

Kasia

PS. Oh yeah, I just have to add this - remember how I said there was a med student in the delivery room? Well it turned out to be a friend from university's (Linda) fiancee, whom I have not only met in the past but also have had dinner with on occasion and chatted with at a bunch of parties. Its weird knowing that someone I know (esp since its a guy) has literally seen ALL of me...probably more than even my own husband. I don't really care and I didn't even realize until afterwards when he and the resident came to check up on me. I think it was weirder for him when he realized (also after) than me. During the delivery I couldn't care less if everyone I knew was watching.

Ok, for real, I'm done. XXX Kasia