So I was Facebook creeping this girl I went to Polish school with (back when I was like 7) because she has a little son about 4-5 months younger then Kubus. I didn't really like her much because she was a bit scary and to be honest, a bit of a bitch, but she seems to have really changed into this family loving mother now. But anyway, the reason I creep her on Facebook is because she is pretty much the only one I know my age that is married and has a baby...and in a weird way makes me feel somehow less alone - even though I never talk to her and haven't seen her since I was 10 or something (though her parents are super nice and are friends with my parents, they even bought Kubes a present after he was born).

So anyway, I was checking out her Christmas photos (during my "extended" lunch break at 3PM) and it seemed like such a fun time with all the little kids in her family around. It promted me to decide that I really want everyone I know to start having babies. I'm serious, I want to have fun play dates with people I know, swap baby stories...my sisters are too young and Jordan's brother and sister are...ok, I won't go there, but my point is that I'm not going to get any cousins for Kubus anytime soon, so I the next best thing (or better thing) is for my friends to make friends for him! I even promise to get pregnant around the same time so we can commiserate together...

Who's in??

Isn't it ironic?

As soon as I have some free time to write to my heart's content, I have nothing to write about. But as soon as I get busy, thats when I find I have stories pouring out of me. And right now, I have some limited free time...

But I've decided to just sit down and write, and see where it leads me. My mom bought this great book about writing, and I started reading it one day in the car when I was in Poland and waiting for my mom while she ran errands and Kubus slept. Basically, the jist of this book was that anyone can write, that there are no excuses not to write. And just because there is no purpose to the writing, doesn't mean it shouldn't be written. If you really want to be a writer, than write!

I have to admit, its always been a sercret ambition of mine to be a writer. Not a prize winning writer, not even a famous writer, but someone who can introduce themselves as a writer. I tell you, its way cooler to say "I'm a writer" than "I'm an accountant" - I literally see people's eyes start to glaze over whenever I tell them what I do (and its usually followed by a tax question that I can't answer). But I would love to be published and give people pleasure or even just an escape with my writing.

But back to writing. I've decided, as my new years resolution (that I just made now), to try and write more (that and not gain back all the weight I've lost).

But alas, back to my opening paragraph, what the hell should I write about? I really want to write a novel or even a short story but I'm a bit hesitant. The one thing that scares me about writing fiction is that people are going to think that things that I make up really happened to me (i.e. if I write about a wife cheating on her husband or something) or else if I use events that happened to people I know, or base characters on people I know, that they will get mad at me. Also, I don't know if I can bring myself to write sex scenes. Imagine what my parents would think if they read it! I'm not sure I could look them in the face without turning red. Its bad enough that Jordan is CONSTANTLY making sex jokes around my parents (like "make sure you guys wear ear plugs tonight!")...though for some reason they think its funny while I try to think of something to say to change the subject ("so this economic crisis is really bad, huh?"). But I guess this too is just an excuse not to write. And then I think, who the hell do I think I am to think that I can write well enough for some to actually read it and like it?

Oh well, screw it. I'm just going to write and if no one likes it, who cares?

Update (part 2) - Moving out

I’ve decided to break this up into two posts because reading it as one would be a cruel infliction upon whoever decides to read it…

Moving out

Jordan and I have decided to move out from his parent’s house in the next few months or if we find a place we love, sooner.

When we moved here, I thought that living with his family would be like it used to be when we would visit for a few weeks over holidays (which I always loved)…and its not. Or, rather some stuff is the same that we hoped wouldn’t be and stuff that we hoped would be is not.

Anyway, most of you probably know that I’ve had some issues with Jordan’s sister’s behaviour and also her parent’s lack of doing anything about it (except enabling it). It was driving me crazy for a number of reasons but mainly because I thought that Jordan’s mum would have more time for us and for watching Kubus so that I could get a bit of a break, but she doesn’t because she continues to cater to the demands of his sister…and I feel guilty asking her to give up her spare time to cater to my requests…but I’m not going go on an on about it. After some reflection though, I decided to get over it and deal with it after my trip to Canada in September because I knew that if I didn’t, my life would be miserable and tense and would eventually lead to something that I would regret. As it happens, Jordan decided HE can’t take it any more and told me he wants to move out.

I think it’s a good idea because when I think about it, we’ve had to sacrifice so much by living in someone else’s home – because its NOT my home, even though we do pay rent – and it will be nice not to have to any more. For example, the reason I don’t call you all much because is because there is one phone in the whole house and I don’t like having private conversations that anyone can hear. I can never be alone or just alone with Kubus in the house because someone is ALWAYS there…when we move I’ll be able to have some time just for me when Kubus is asleep and Jordan is at class (most of his classes are in the evening) and I’m really looking forward to that. Not to mention having the privacy to discuss stuff with Jordan…we can’t even have a proper fight because someone will hear it and judge. I never get to decide what we have for dinner (or have the pleasure in cooking it) because Jordan’s mum always does it. I know I could ask her, but its not the same. And living with parents, even as nice as Jordan’s parents (who I do still really like in spite of what I think of their parenting techniques regarding his siblings), is something that I do not recommend for anyone over the age of 18 unless they absolutely have to. I feel like we don’t have the freedom to just do what we want to a lot of the time…we can’t just take off when we want because dinner is at a certain time and it’s not fair to leave Jordan’s mum hanging. Plus, living in an environment that is often tense can wear away at you. It will be nice to be able to just leave and get some distance – ultimately I think it will be good for all of us.

Not that there won’t be some negative aspects to this move. Money will be tighter because rent will be higher plus we will have to pay for food and utilities. We won’t be able to afford stuff like cable TV (though I don’t think that is so tragic – I feel like I watch too much TV sometimes). But it should be temporary…hopefully I’ll get promoted in June and that should come with a decent raise (though I wouldn’t be surprised if its not that high because the partners will likely say that “in these tough economic times” they can’t afford to, total BS because we’re busier than ever but we’ll see…) and then Jordan will be done his MBA and will be able to get a job in about a year…

I’ll keep you posted on our house hunt and update you all when the move is final and with a new address so you can send me house-warming cards!

Update part 1 - Christmas in Australia

Anyway, just wanted to post a “catch up” note to update those of you who are interested on stuff going on in my life. I must admit that its not going to be anything glamorous or exciting but just regular stuff that you would probably know if I were back in Canada and we were chatting regularly. After I posted the pictures that we had taken professionally, Paulina was a bit mad at me that she didn’t know anything about it and I realized that in general I don’t really talk about the little things going on and that’s what makes my life mine…and that just because something isn’t a major event doesn’t mean its not interesting….

Christmas in Australia

I have to say, that Christmas in Australia sucks. Ok, well maybe it doesn’t suck but this year was the first time EVER that I did not get that “Christmasy” feeling at all. Not even on Christmas day itself! In Canada, usually as soon as Starbucks comes out with their red cups I get that flutter in my stomach, that Christmas anticipation. But what need do I have for a warm cup of gingerbread latte when its 30C+ outside? None. I couldn’t relate to the majority of Christmas songs that I love (walking in a winter wonderland, jingle bells, I’m dreaming of a white Christmas…)…Plus, though businesses and offices usually put up decorations, houses here are almost totally devoid of Christmas lights or wreaths etc. I think I could count on my hand how many houses had lights up in our neighbourhood. Jordan’s mum said that its just not a tradition here and that the first time she ever saw houses decorated was when they moved to Texas and were totally amazed. Not that I blame people here though. Lights are SO expensive. It costs like $30 for 100 lights.

Its just weird to be in a place where its so warm…the Christmas decorations looked so out of place, the way that houses of those lazy neighbours look in July when they still have wreaths and their Christmas lights hanging.

And I found it strange how the decorations weren’t adapted to the weather at all. Instead of, for instance, dressing up palm trees with decorations and lights, there were fake pine trees all over. Santa wears his full-on winter suit instead of a swim suit and shades. I even saw people put that frosting on their windows and the tree in town was surrounded by fake snow.

However, I think just knowing that my family wouldn’t be there and that I wouldn’t be able to do all the things that I love to do in the lead up to Christmas is really why I just didn’t feel the way I usually do at that time of the year… I didn’t get to hang lights on my parents house (and then have a hot chocolate to thaw me out), I didn’t get to decorate a Christmas tree (Jordan’s mum did it but it doesn’t matter anyway as it was tiny because we didn’t want Kubes to pull down any decorations)…didn’t get to hit the malls with my sisters and browse around trying to come up with some fun little gifts, didn’t get to have herbatka with Julia’s family and go out with them for her birthday…didn’t get to go to Sandy’s Christmas party (which looked like so much fun, though I probably saved myself like 5 lbs by not eating Sandy’s amazing looking food).

Oh well…even though next year I will face the same thing, hopefully I’ll be able to come up with some new traditions and since Kubus will be older and will understand better it might be more fun.