The truth about motherhood - Kasia's Stories

Prelude to "The Twos"

2009-11-22T02:12:00.000-08:00

Over the last few weeks Kubus has been generous enough to give Jordan and I a taste of whats to come when he turns two, which is now officially 9 days from today.

1. "The Drama Cry" Kubus has mastered what I like to call the "drama cry" - basically when we tell him off he'll burst into tears, cover his face with his hands and start to wail. Anything from telling him to not do something (i.e. opening the pantry) to not giving him some diet Coke when he catches a glimpse of it in the fridge, can trigger the "drama cry". And it doesn't help that its so ridiculous that we usually just end up laughing, which of course intensifies the cry.

2. "The Tantrum" Even though he loves it, I really hate taking Kubus to the park now a days since we invariably we have to leave and at which point Kubus will pack an absolute crap. He'll start to flail around kicking and screaming,"drama cry" in full force - the works - when I try to get him into his stroller. I turn red and just focus on getting at least half of him strapped in and then speed walk away from the judging looks of the other parents. Though for some reason Kubus does this only for me -Jordan says he is not too bad for him when he takes Kubus to the park.

3. "The Runaway" - Kubus has suddenly decided its absolutely hysterical to run away from us now, and thinks its especially funny to run towards the street. He'll get this look in his eye and then just bolt, laughing hysterically, leaving Jordan and I to have to sprint after him screaming STOP! or COME BACK HERE! at the top of our lungs, praying that we'll be able to grab him before he gets struck by a car (or trips and skins his knee which I guess in the scheme of things would be preferable).

4. "The Invalid" - When we tell Kubus to move out of the way (i.e. when he's in the middle of the kitchen or trying to get stuff out of the pantry) and he ignores us, we are forced to move him ourselves and lately Kubus has taken to tucking his legs under himself so as to make it that much more difficult to place him on the ground. Jordan has taken to just dropping him (which is usually also followed by the "drama cry" along with a chorus of "DADA MEEEEEEAAAAN!"), while I am still at the placing him on couch stage. I may graduate to the dropping phase soon though. Its getting freaking annoying.

However, today he did something which has topped all the others. I made the mistake of turning my attention away from Kubus for a few seconds to check something online and then I heard a horrible sound - the sound of scribbling. And knowing that Kubus was not in his highchair with a coloring book, my heart stopped, knowing it would be bad. It was worse. Kubus somehow found a ball point pen and started to scribble on our white leather couch. He managed to get a few good loops in before I ponced on him and wrested the pen away.

Now I guess its partly our fault for being stupid enough to buy a white couch, but nonetheless we were able to make it almost a year before this incident and had naively thought we had a good system (we took great pains to keep all writeables well out of Kubus' reach and only let him color when sitting in his highchair).

Anyway, Jordan and I both freaked out (Jordan more than me) but after we calmed down, I Googled "how to get pen off of a leather couch" and came up with over 1,000 hits (making me feel better that we weren't the only idiot parents who buy white furniture) of how to clean it. One of the suggestions was to use rubbing alcohol. However, we didn't have any BUT one helpful person online also didn't and said she used her husband's cologne. We didn't have any cologne either, however I remembered I had gotten a perfume gift set for Christmas last year and ran to get it.

Lo and behold, along with one of Jordan's socks, we managed to scrub off most of the pen! You can still see a faint scribble, but its no where near as bad as it was. Now the only issue is that our couch reeks of Dolce & Gabanna's Light Blue (which I happen to like a lot, but Jordan claims the couch now smells like "a gay Italian").

Ah well. I guess we should have expected this sooner or later. One woman I work with says she managed to avoid the Terrible Twos with her son, but is now going through the "Feral Threes" (by the way, feral is the new Aussie favorite word - it means wild, and I'm not kidding I've heard it used like 5 or 6 times by different people in the last week alone). Anyway, Kubus isn't ALL bad. There are some really cute things that he does - but I'll leave that for a blog for another day (like tomorrow during my "lunch break" ;) at work.

Putting things into perspective

2009-08-02T17:47:00.000-07:00

I think that one of the hardest thing about being a mother is coming to terms with the fact that it really does change you. Or at least, it changed me. I used to always want to be a career woman, would imagine myself a CEO of a large company, being interviewed by Fortune magazine with a closet full of Armani suits and Prada shoes. And now...I don't really know, but I feel like I've lost a lot of my ambitions and feel envious when I see women strolling about town with their kids during the day, even though I used to look at them with pity, thinking how boring their lives must be. I've even felt envious of receptionships and Account Payable clerks of my clients 'cause they get to leave and go home a 5PM everyday, can take a sick day without having to make up the lost time over the weekend or at night. Who cares if they make $8/hour (especially when I probably make the same now given the amount of hours I work).

Sometimes the urge to just be home with Kubus is so strong it makes me want to cry at work...now mind you, I think a large part of it is because I just don't like my job. I am grateful for it and there are some good things about it, don't get me wrong. But on the whole, I really resent my job from keeping me away from Kubus all day - I just feel like its not worth it, even though I KNOW its just a stepping stone, that it will look good on my resume, that I've learned a lot, blah blah. I think at this point, the only thing that is keeping me from quitting is the fact that Jordan is in school now, so we wouldn't have any other income.

Having Kubus has made me realize that I want a job that that can be flexible enough so that I can spend as much time with him as possible. I no longer see the late nights as an investment in my career, the way I used to. If having that life, being that "career woman" requires me to forego all that time with my son, then I don't want it any more. I am not saying that I actually want to be a receptionist - but I know now that whatever I do end up doing , it HAS to be Kubus friendly.

I have to admit, it has all been a bit depressing for me though, to come to that realization. I honestly feel like a bit of a cliche now and I miss the old, ambitious me. I still have some of it left, its just scaled down. I think I need to change my career though - I think it is the root of my actual lack of ambition and having Kubus just highlighted it for me because I do read about women how love their jobs, who couldn't wait to get back to work after they had their kids and don't feel (that) guilty about leaving them everyday. I just need to find it soon because I'm thisclose to picking a favorite soap to start watching once Jordan graduates and gets a job.

Promise to myself...

2009-07-26T16:41:00.000-07:00

I am at work now and should be working, but I figure I've put in a lot of overtime recently that its ok.

I really want to start blogging again. I enjoy it plus its the closest thing to a diary I can have now. I remember I was so good at keeping a diary betweent the age of 12-14. Its great to reread them.

Anyway,the main reason I want to start blogging again because I am start the Bob Greene Total Body Makeover today and I want to track how I do and maybe it will keep me on track and more accountable to myself.

I've been running pretty frequently - about 2 times per week, but thats only really helped me maintain my weight and hasn't done much to shift it. And I for all my talk about getting better aquainted with my dumbells, I really haven't done much weight training at all, and I really think it will make all the difference.

So anyway, this Total Body Makeover is this 12 week program (Oprah did it) that promises to get you into shape really fast. And its really not too difficult really. Basically it involves 6 days a week of cario (like running) for 30 min/day, 6 days a week of functional exercises (basically stretching) and 3 days a week of stength training. I figured this would be a good time to do this program as its great weather to train during the day, so I can get my workouts done during my lunch hour. Also, we're doing a PwC's Biggest Loser challenge, so any weight and inch loss will help my team win and lastly at the end of August I am doing a 10KM run and I hope to do it in an hour.

Luckily there is no strict diet with this plan, excpet for the amount of water I have to drink and no eating 2-3 hours before bed. Both are do-able. With regards to food Bob Greene says that basically you have to be really conscious of what you're eating - you KNOW if you're eating bad, but before you eat anything take 10 secs to analyze if you need it.

Anyway, my goal is to lose weight but I'm not really looking at some sort of magic number. I really just want to get started on being a bit more active and fit in general. I'll post an update every week to track my progress.

Wish me good luck!

Its been a while...

2009-05-13T17:44:00.000-07:00

I've been very conscious of the fact that lately I haven't posted to my blog in ages. Not for the lack of wanting to, but there was literally no time for me, which is surprising since the last few months were supposed to be the less busy ones. But when you have a Kubes, who is now in full force with his ability to walk, run and climb, it also just takes so much longer to get anything done. Everything I do has a rank in terms of priority and unfortunately, blogging has slipped off the charts recently. And especially now that we have our own place and I have to do stuff like laundry, making dinner etc (all while holding Kubes, as he gets very clingy when I get home, and let me tell you its amazing what one can do one-handed - I've even managed to make guacamole from scratch practically all while holding him). And when Kubus is finally down for the night, last thing I want to do is stare at my computer some more. I used to blog at work, until I got caught surfing the net by a Director once (I was waiting for my manager to send me some work and took the opportunity to do some web window shopping) and he COMPLAINED to my manager that I was being "under-utilized". I was so embarrassed, even though my manager defended me (said he knew I had nothing to do, but was on an important phone call that ended up lasting a couple of hours). So now I just don't go online at work, except for real work things. It sucks, especailly since I really liked blogging when I had some idle time, waiting for the client to give us some docs but not really having anything else to work on. In fact, the way I'm getting around this now is I'm writing this in my work email and will just copy and paste it into the blogger website during lunch - I know, its genius.

Anyway, in some bad news, I've gained a bit of weight recently since I stopped breast feeding a few months ago. I blame the horomones that are now out of whack (including the lovely side effect of random yeast infections). Haha, I'm just like all those overweight people who have "thyroid problems". Right. In truth, I've also gotten a bit slack with working out (except in bursts like the triathlon and the 8KM mothers day run) and I'm not as disciplined with my eating. And it makes me mad because I really don't eat that much, its just that my body is freakishly efficient with the calories it gets and I just don't need more than like 1500 calories a day to MAINTAIN my weight. I guess the plus side of this is that if I'm ever stranded on a desert island, at least I won't need to scrounge up as much food to survive. But I'm starting to get back on the regular exercise horse now - I've started to do a run/power walk with Kubus in the mornings and hope to start alternating that with a bit of weight training (look out 5lb weights, here I come!). Plus I'm starting to look for fun weekend activities that involve exercise (this weekend we're going to do the RSPCA Million Paw march to benefit the local animal shelters - fun because you have to bring a dog).

Ok, as I have a list of things to do that is a page long and as I don't want this to turn into an essay, I'll finish for now. But I promise to start blogging more.

Australia Day

2009-02-02T03:09:00.000-08:00

So January 26th was Australia day (or "'Strahliah Day" as the Australian's call it). Its just like Canada Day - we get a day off from work (however, by "we" I mean people who work in offices or the government - people who work retail, in grocery stores, restaurants, public transportation etc don't get the day off) and people get all patriotic by sticking Australian flags to the windows of their cars and from their balconies. And for some reason, most people who had a flag couldn't stick to just one - they would have a flag flying from each window and the driver and each passenger would have a temporary Australian flag tattoo on each cheek. Anyway, another reason Australia Day is like Canada Day is that most people have no idea what it stands for (and DON'T tell me that Canada Day is "Canada's birthday" - what does that mean anyway? Its not like it was the day the country passed through its mother's vagina, now was it?). I asked around and eventually someone told me it was the day the first settlers arrived in Australia. I decided to be satisfied with that answer because I couldn't be bothered to look it up in Wikipedia. Anyway, the important part was an extra day off work!

Now its a tradition in Australia on Australia day to go to the cockroach races. Yes, that's right. People gather up a bunch of cockroaches and put them in a ring of some sort and see whose cockroach makes it out the ring or across some sort of finish line first. I hear its great fun, but probably mostly so because people also get wasted while watching their cockroaches race. Sadly, I was unable to attend the PwC cockroach race this year because, well, no one wanted to go with me. Jordan maintains that its just an example of how Australians are really just a bunch of hicks who got rich really fast, and now are torn between their redneck habits and having money to spend on useless things.

Another great Australia Day tradition is having a BBQ. Nothing wrong with that - but people really take their patriotism to a new level here. When we went to the store to buy some kangaroo meat (I was determined to do something authentically Australian, since I couldn't go to the cockroach races) for our BBQ, I saw burger patties in the shape of Australia. At first I just cracked up but then realized these Aussies are on to something and have decided when I come back to Canada I'll sell maple leaf shaped burger patties. I expect to make a fortune, because Canadians love anything with a maple leaf on it.

Anyway, all in all I had a very Australian Australia Day. Jordan and I too Kubes to the beach, where I proceeded to get a bad sun burn on a portion of my back that I forgot to put sun screen on, we had fish and chips for lunch and then the aforementioned kangaroo meat on the BBQ for dinner. Jordan loved it and vowed we'll be buying it all the time when we move out because its incredibly cheap - but I wasn't completely sold on it. Its not bad tasting...just weird. Maybe I can't reconcile myself to eating a kangaroo, though I have no problem with eating lamb, which is even cuter than a kangaroo - now why is that? Lamb is not something I was brought up on...so I don't know what my issue is with the roo meat. It would have been the perfect day except that I didn't go to the cockroach races (and because my burn hurt like hell the next day). But its ok - my secondment is till November 2010, so I'll have to make up for it next year.

2009-01-07T20:57:00.000-08:00

So I was Facebook creeping this girl I went to Polish school with (back when I was like 7) because she has a little son about 4-5 months younger then Kubus. I didn't really like her much because she was a bit scary and to be honest, a bit of a bitch, but she seems to have really changed into this family loving mother now. But anyway, the reason I creep her on Facebook is because she is pretty much the only one I know my age that is married and has a baby...and in a weird way makes me feel somehow less alone - even though I never talk to her and haven't seen her since I was 10 or something (though her parents are super nice and are friends with my parents, they even bought Kubes a present after he was born).

So anyway, I was checking out her Christmas photos (during my "extended" lunch break at 3PM) and it seemed like such a fun time with all the little kids in her family around. It promted me to decide that I really want everyone I know to start having babies. I'm serious, I want to have fun play dates with people I know, swap baby stories...my sisters are too young and Jordan's brother and sister are...ok, I won't go there, but my point is that I'm not going to get any cousins for Kubus anytime soon, so I the next best thing (or better thing) is for my friends to make friends for him! I even promise to get pregnant around the same time so we can commiserate together...

Who's in??

Isn't it ironic?

2009-01-06T15:35:00.000-08:00

As soon as I have some free time to write to my heart's content, I have nothing to write about. But as soon as I get busy, thats when I find I have stories pouring out of me. And right now, I have some limited free time...

But I've decided to just sit down and write, and see where it leads me. My mom bought this great book about writing, and I started reading it one day in the car when I was in Poland and waiting for my mom while she ran errands and Kubus slept. Basically, the jist of this book was that anyone can write, that there are no excuses not to write. And just because there is no purpose to the writing, doesn't mean it shouldn't be written. If you really want to be a writer, than write!

I have to admit, its always been a sercret ambition of mine to be a writer. Not a prize winning writer, not even a famous writer, but someone who can introduce themselves as a writer. I tell you, its way cooler to say "I'm a writer" than "I'm an accountant" - I literally see people's eyes start to glaze over whenever I tell them what I do (and its usually followed by a tax question that I can't answer). But I would love to be published and give people pleasure or even just an escape with my writing.

But back to writing. I've decided, as my new years resolution (that I just made now), to try and write more (that and not gain back all the weight I've lost).

But alas, back to my opening paragraph, what the hell should I write about? I really want to write a novel or even a short story but I'm a bit hesitant. The one thing that scares me about writing fiction is that people are going to think that things that I make up really happened to me (i.e. if I write about a wife cheating on her husband or something) or else if I use events that happened to people I know, or base characters on people I know, that they will get mad at me. Also, I don't know if I can bring myself to write sex scenes. Imagine what my parents would think if they read it! I'm not sure I could look them in the face without turning red. Its bad enough that Jordan is CONSTANTLY making sex jokes around my parents (like "make sure you guys wear ear plugs tonight!")...though for some reason they think its funny while I try to think of something to say to change the subject ("so this economic crisis is really bad, huh?"). But I guess this too is just an excuse not to write. And then I think, who the hell do I think I am to think that I can write well enough for some to actually read it and like it?

Oh well, screw it. I'm just going to write and if no one likes it, who cares?

Update (part 2) - Moving out

2009-01-04T16:57:00.000-08:00

I’ve decided to break this up into two posts because reading it as one would be a cruel infliction upon whoever decides to read it…

Moving out

Jordan and I have decided to move out from his parent’s house in the next few months or if we find a place we love, sooner.

When we moved here, I thought that living with his family would be like it used to be when we would visit for a few weeks over holidays (which I always loved)…and its not. Or, rather some stuff is the same that we hoped wouldn’t be and stuff that we hoped would be is not.

Anyway, most of you probably know that I’ve had some issues with Jordan’s sister’s behaviour and also her parent’s lack of doing anything about it (except enabling it). It was driving me crazy for a number of reasons but mainly because I thought that Jordan’s mum would have more time for us and for watching Kubus so that I could get a bit of a break, but she doesn’t because she continues to cater to the demands of his sister…and I feel guilty asking her to give up her spare time to cater to my requests…but I’m not going go on an on about it. After some reflection though, I decided to get over it and deal with it after my trip to Canada in September because I knew that if I didn’t, my life would be miserable and tense and would eventually lead to something that I would regret. As it happens, Jordan decided HE can’t take it any more and told me he wants to move out.

I think it’s a good idea because when I think about it, we’ve had to sacrifice so much by living in someone else’s home – because its NOT my home, even though we do pay rent – and it will be nice not to have to any more. For example, the reason I don’t call you all much because is because there is one phone in the whole house and I don’t like having private conversations that anyone can hear. I can never be alone or just alone with Kubus in the house because someone is ALWAYS there…when we move I’ll be able to have some time just for me when Kubus is asleep and Jordan is at class (most of his classes are in the evening) and I’m really looking forward to that. Not to mention having the privacy to discuss stuff with Jordan…we can’t even have a proper fight because someone will hear it and judge. I never get to decide what we have for dinner (or have the pleasure in cooking it) because Jordan’s mum always does it. I know I could ask her, but its not the same. And living with parents, even as nice as Jordan’s parents (who I do still really like in spite of what I think of their parenting techniques regarding his siblings), is something that I do not recommend for anyone over the age of 18 unless they absolutely have to. I feel like we don’t have the freedom to just do what we want to a lot of the time…we can’t just take off when we want because dinner is at a certain time and it’s not fair to leave Jordan’s mum hanging. Plus, living in an environment that is often tense can wear away at you. It will be nice to be able to just leave and get some distance – ultimately I think it will be good for all of us.

Not that there won’t be some negative aspects to this move. Money will be tighter because rent will be higher plus we will have to pay for food and utilities. We won’t be able to afford stuff like cable TV (though I don’t think that is so tragic – I feel like I watch too much TV sometimes). But it should be temporary…hopefully I’ll get promoted in June and that should come with a decent raise (though I wouldn’t be surprised if its not that high because the partners will likely say that “in these tough economic times” they can’t afford to, total BS because we’re busier than ever but we’ll see…) and then Jordan will be done his MBA and will be able to get a job in about a year…

I’ll keep you posted on our house hunt and update you all when the move is final and with a new address so you can send me house-warming cards!

Update part 1 - Christmas in Australia

2009-01-04T16:01:00.000-08:00

Anyway, just wanted to post a “catch up” note to update those of you who are interested on stuff going on in my life. I must admit that its not going to be anything glamorous or exciting but just regular stuff that you would probably know if I were back in Canada and we were chatting regularly. After I posted the pictures that we had taken professionally, Paulina was a bit mad at me that she didn’t know anything about it and I realized that in general I don’t really talk about the little things going on and that’s what makes my life mine…and that just because something isn’t a major event doesn’t mean its not interesting….

Christmas in Australia

I have to say, that Christmas in Australia sucks. Ok, well maybe it doesn’t suck but this year was the first time EVER that I did not get that “Christmasy” feeling at all. Not even on Christmas day itself! In Canada, usually as soon as Starbucks comes out with their red cups I get that flutter in my stomach, that Christmas anticipation. But what need do I have for a warm cup of gingerbread latte when its 30C+ outside? None. I couldn’t relate to the majority of Christmas songs that I love (walking in a winter wonderland, jingle bells, I’m dreaming of a white Christmas…)…Plus, though businesses and offices usually put up decorations, houses here are almost totally devoid of Christmas lights or wreaths etc. I think I could count on my hand how many houses had lights up in our neighbourhood. Jordan’s mum said that its just not a tradition here and that the first time she ever saw houses decorated was when they moved to Texas and were totally amazed. Not that I blame people here though. Lights are SO expensive. It costs like $30 for 100 lights.

Its just weird to be in a place where its so warm…the Christmas decorations looked so out of place, the way that houses of those lazy neighbours look in July when they still have wreaths and their Christmas lights hanging.

And I found it strange how the decorations weren’t adapted to the weather at all. Instead of, for instance, dressing up palm trees with decorations and lights, there were fake pine trees all over. Santa wears his full-on winter suit instead of a swim suit and shades. I even saw people put that frosting on their windows and the tree in town was surrounded by fake snow.

However, I think just knowing that my family wouldn’t be there and that I wouldn’t be able to do all the things that I love to do in the lead up to Christmas is really why I just didn’t feel the way I usually do at that time of the year… I didn’t get to hang lights on my parents house (and then have a hot chocolate to thaw me out), I didn’t get to decorate a Christmas tree (Jordan’s mum did it but it doesn’t matter anyway as it was tiny because we didn’t want Kubes to pull down any decorations)…didn’t get to hit the malls with my sisters and browse around trying to come up with some fun little gifts, didn’t get to have herbatka with Julia’s family and go out with them for her birthday…didn’t get to go to Sandy’s Christmas party (which looked like so much fun, though I probably saved myself like 5 lbs by not eating Sandy’s amazing looking food).

Oh well…even though next year I will face the same thing, hopefully I’ll be able to come up with some new traditions and since Kubus will be older and will understand better it might be more fun.

Hard day

2008-12-11T02:36:00.000-08:00

Its been a long, hard day for me...and I hate to complain because I just read an article about child soldiers in DR of Congo and about all the stuff that is going on there...but some days are just hard (compared to my life pre-baby, obviously not compared to the lives of those in Sierra Leone etc).

Today I had to leave the house at 7am because my new client is located about an hours drive away from my office and because the manager wants to keep costs down she wanted us all to meet at the office and have one person drive so that we all wouldn't be expensing the kms. Which wouldn't be so bad but it takes me an hour just to get to the office and then it takes another hour to drive to the client. And the same thing on the way back.

It was 7pm when Jordan's mum picked me up at the train station and she met me with a very upset Kubes. Apparently he had been "out of sorts" all afternoon due to 2 new teeth emerging and he was not happy with me for being away for so long today. On a good day when I get home from work he is clingy - but on a bad day, like today, he is clingy and I can't put him down without an ear-piercing scream that could wake the dead. I actually couldn't even go to the bathroom (even though I was dying to pee) until I had gotten him to sleep - which took me over 30 minutes.

To top it all off, I got a nice little surprise today when I check my American Express account and found that my card number had been stolen and someone has treated themselves to over $440 of my money. And I couldn't even get it sorted out when I got home because of the damn time difference. The Amex people were able to block my card, but in order for me to get the charge taken off, I have to contact the damn fraud department which doesn't open till 8AM EST or 11PM my time. And I'm so tired that all I want to do is go to sleep, to the point where I don't even care about the $440...

Right now everything looks grey to me. Work is boring at best, though at least my current assignment has people I can have a chat with, and depressing at worst, especially when I think about how much longer I'm going to have to do it. Having a job that you have no passion for or even liking for, like in my case, can slowly eat away at your ambitions...I know that I don't even care if I don't get promoted...well I do, but only because I want the pay raise that comes with it, not the challenge of extra responsibility, which I am almost dreading. Some times I feel like I won't be able to handle it but then I meet people who are my superiors and who I don't think are that smart, and they seem to do ok, so I feel like if they can do it, I should be able to as well...It scares me sometime when I start to think that being a stay-at-home mom might not be such a bad career move. Not that I have anything against being a stay-at-home mom...its just that I've always had all these ambitions and goals and I feel like they are disappearing - and I don't want to be another cliche.

But anyway, I'll get over it and I'm sure come the weekend my mood will improve.

The benefits

2008-11-13T02:56:00.000-08:00

As I am now officially back at work, I discovered there are some "benefits" to having a baby and going to work.

1. No need for an alarm clock. Kubus will, without fail, wake up between 5 and 6AM EVERY MORNING. So this is great - I have to get up for work anyway, and instead of the radio playing my favorite songs, I just get poked in the eye! No snooze button for that! Either I get up or end up with a black eye/blind. The only problem with my Kubus alarm is that when I wasn't back at work yet (or on weekends) I would have LOVED to sleep in, just once, to oh, I don't know, something crazy and indulgent, like 7:30AM. And sometimes Kubus wakes up even earlier. Like the other day, he woke up at 4:45AM and was totally wired. He was making this "UGHHHHH!" noise (the kind you do when you're really constipated and trying to push out a jobie, you know the one, don't pretend you don't) and he just wouldn't stop. Finally, in despiration, I turned on the TV, hoping to find a children's show that would distract him for a while. And the Wiggles were on (this annoying Australian children's band, Jordan hates them) and he actually went quiet for a while, totally absorbed. I turned to Jordan and said, "looks like Kubies is really into the Wiggles" and Jordan was like "I don't care if it was gay porn that he was into right now as long as he keeps quiet and lets us sleep."

2. I have a new perspective on getting ready for work and now I appreciate my work clothes on a totally different level. Before Kubes, I really didn't care what I wore to work after the first week of work and the novelty of wearing a suit wore off. And I didn't really care what I looked like. I had the weekends, friends' Christmas parties (ah, Sandy, I miss you!) etc to get all primped and pretty for. Basically, as long as my clothes were clean (or at least looked clean), I was good to go. But while on maternity leave I barely ever got to look nice. At first I was way too fat, so nothing nice fit me anyway. But even as I lost the weight, there was no point in making an effort or even wearing nice pieces, because with a baby your clothes will become stained (i.e. spit up on, peed on, have food wiped on) or dirty within minutes of picking up the little rug-rat. And just forget about ever wearing heels - it takes enough effort as it is in flats to keep your balance and holding a squirmy baby. But, seriously, next time you are out at the mall or something, have a close look at any given moms shoulder - you will invariably see a smudge of something, most probably dried food or some sort, or if its a really small baby shes with, spit up. And poor thing, she probably doesn't even notice its there anymore.

But now, after over a year of looking like a slob, getting ready for work is fun. I like looking pretty. Also, when I'm putting Kubus to sleep at night now and wait for him to fall alseep, I take stock of my closet and put together what I'll be wearing to work the next day. Its great fun, especially since I have a whole bunch of new work clothes that I haven't worn yet, many of which are quite versatile and can be paired in many different ways. I am considering taking pictures of said outfits (complete with which accessories I would use) and putting them on my iPod so if I drew a blank on day, I would have all these ideas. Now, mind you, I've been back at work for a grand total of 4 days so far, so this attitude may well change completely...but I'm enjoying it while it lasts.

3. Because Jordan has been around for all of Kubus' first year, and knows how tough it is to get stuff done with a baby attached to your hip, he takes Kubus and entertains him while I get ready for work. Its great. While on maternity leave, he wouldn't be as patient with me when I was putting on make up or blow drying my hair - he would be pestering me to "hurry up" because "Kubus wants YOU" (translated to "I can't sleep and watch him at the same time, so please take him") but now he knows I have to look presentable at work so I don't hear a peep from him. I love it! And its great because even before Kubus I would have to make an effort to be all quiet and try and get ready in the dark because I would often have to wake up way before Jordan would and didn't want to disturb him (I know, I'm very considerate). But now, as we are all up anyway, I don't have to worry about that (and putting on pants with a HUGE stain on them when I got dressed in the dark once and didn't notice till I was on the subway - was so embarrassed).

I'm sure there are more benefits that I'll discover over the next few weeks...but I have to say, there are also quite a few down sides to this working mom business as well. As it happens, 3 days before I started work Kubus got his first ever fever and then on my first day of work (Jordan said that literally 5 minutes after I left), Kubus broke out in a rash that covered his body. Thank God I knew both Jordan and his mum would be able to deal with it, but I have to say it breaks your heart when you know your baby is sick and you can't be with him. Especially when Jordan's mum said that it looked like it could be measles, and then when we looked up the symptoms online looked like it was a text-book example of measles, minus a cough, which Kubus didn't have. I was so relieved when Jordan sent me an email at work saying that the Dr. didn't think it was measles and if it was, it was a very mild case (I figured I was a bit too new to be chatting on my phone during work hours - at least reading an email that comes to my work email makes it look like I'm doing work).

Anyway, more updates on the life of a working mom to come.

My travels

2008-10-08T17:30:00.000-07:00

I'm sorry for not posting for so long, but I needed to write this post before anything else, and knowing that it would be a long post, I totally procrastinated and put it off (yes, I know thats redundant)...but I've finally gotten around to it. So here it goes.

I love to travel. And by that I mean, I love to travel in the broad sense of the word: I love to visit places, see interesting sights, hear different languages, experience different climates, and of course visiting people I haven't seen in a while. But I hate traveling, the necessary evil that comes with the wonderful things mentioned above. You know, the getting up early to make the plane, the lines at the airport, plane food (and even worse, plane bathroom), the lack of room to sleep comfortably on a plane (unless you are lucky enough to be flying business or first class - then the above is all moot) waiting to get through customs, praying your suitcases made the trip...then having to drive to where ever you'll be staying, often stuck in traffic, the jet lag.... In short, traveling sucks.

I was looking forward to my trip to Canada and Poland so much but knowing what I know about traveling, I was terrified about the traveling part, especially because I was going to have to do it while taking care of Kubes - alone. Last time, when we made the trip over here, at least I had Jordan. And Kubes was so much younger then - he couldn't do much more than hold his head up at the time, but at nine months he was thisclose to crawling and was as wriggly and squirmy as a puppy.

But what was I to do? I put on a brave face, told myself a hundred times that I would be fine (I thought if I said it enough times I would will it to be fine) and off I went with Kubes in a backpack (a special one for carrying babies in NOT an actual backpack, which is what someone - not mentioning any names - thought when I told them...right, I just stuffed him into my Jansport, not closing the zippers all the way. I cracked up when she asked me about it with a horrified look on her face) and my one carry-on over my shoulder.

Me with Kubes right after landing in TO - this is what the backpack looked like

I have to admit that the flight from Brisbane to LA was good - I didn't get a bassinet, like I had hoped BUT the nice people at Quantas blocked the seat next to me, so at least we had a bit of room. However, I was exhausted and soaked with sweat by the time I boarded the plane because running through an airport with a 20 lb baby on your back isn't easy. Neither is going through the security screening (because I had to take it off, take Kubies out of it even though he had just fallen asleep and started crying, then put it on the belt to be scanned, take it out and put Kubes back in and the pack back on my back) then finding my gate, which of course is the one furthest away and manouevering through the plane. Luckily for me, Kubes was just as tired and fell asleep almost right away. I took the opportunity to watch the "Sex and the City" movie, which I had been dying to see but never got the chance, and Kubes was nice enough to sleep through the entire thing and the meal so when he woke up I was happy to play with him. All in all, the flight was great, though I didn't get much sleep myself.

The flight to Toronto from LA was pretty uneventful but I had the misfortune to rip like half of my nail off on my right hand ring finger (it got caught in the belt loop of my jeans when I was adjusting them) and I had to run through the terminal looking for a store that sold band-aids before I passed out from the bleeding (ok, the bleeding wasn't that bad, but for some reason I always get queasy when I see my own blood).

The one great result of the journey over to Toronto is that I lost 2 or 3 pounds - I swear. Not only from lugging Kubes around on my back between the terminals (in LA I actually had to walk outside to the terminal of my connecting flight), standing in line at at security checks and stuff, but I also had little time to eat. After finally buying a band-aid for my finger, all I had time for before boarding my TO bound flight was a frappacino from Starbucks to cool me down - I stupidly forgot to buy myself a snack, forgetting that you have to pay for food on the flight and I refused to pay $9 for a crappy sandwich. Plus I was just too tired to eat and slept most of the way. So by the time I landed in Toronto I hadn't eatten in like 12 hours. It was great.

I have to mention here that traveling through the US and LA in general is quite an experience nowadays. For example, I had to take Kubus' shoes off and put them through the X-ray machine. I honestly thought the guy was kidding, especially since Kubus' shoes are soft baby-type ones. Right, because there are explosives in a 10 month olds shoes. Also, we were informed on our flight to LA that the department of Homeland Security requested that there be no congregating of groups bigger than 2 in any part of the plane. Crazy, huh? In LA it was also really clear which of the airport employees were really out-of-work actors, hoping that a movie director or producer will be around, because of the way they, well, acted around the travellers. One guy, a passport checking guy, would make loud and "witty" comments about each of the traveller's photos - when he got to me, he was like "Whoa, you look MEAN, girl!" (referring to my passport photo, not the actual me - I don't blame him though, because it sort of looks like a mug-shot). And one of the security check guys was doing a loud and enthusiastic speech about having your passport and boarding pass ready when going through...I could hear him 3 rows over.

Now here is where I would write about my time in Canada and Poland, but to be honest, the whole trip is a bit of a blur. I had so much to do and people to see and even though I remember a lot I'm not sure of the order. One gem of a memory that comes to mind is when Kubes took a poo in this mini-mall in Poland but when I took him to the bathroom to change him, I discovered that clearly the mall was planned by a man because there were NO changing tables anywhere. So my mom and I tried to change him next to the sink - which wasn't easy because the space was very narrow - and led to a portion of his poo falling onto the floor. Luckily we managed to find that little nugget and dispose of it before anyone else walked into the bathroom. In general I had such a good time, especially in Poland where I got to take a bunch of bubble baths and naps while my mom looked after Kubus....oh the naps...I miss them so much....

My return trip to Australia was a bit of a night-mare, flight wise. Flying from Warsaw to Toronto totally sucked because even though I did manage to get a bassinet (in spite of being rudely told by the check-in guy that it would be impossible because I didn't reserve one, which I tried to do earlier but was told I couldn't because you can't reserve them and that anyway, Kubus was too old) I was stuck in the very middle in the middle seat section, right between Coffeebreath McSnoresreallyloud and Fatty von Badbreath. So when I tried to sleep I was screwed either way I faced, because both had horrible breath, not to mention that the fat lady next to me hogged the arm rest and the snoring guy's snoring was SO loud that I couldn't sleep. Of course that is when I realized that I forgot to charge my iPod before I left, so I didn't even have anything to drown out the noise. It was hell. To top it all off, once I finally landed in Canada, my uncle decided to take a "short-cut" though an area that was under construction, so a drive that normally takes 40 min ended up taking 2 hours, leaving me totally wiped when I got home to Newmarket.

The flight from Toronto to LA was the best flight of all - Kubus slept the entire flight, and it was a really empty flight so we got a whole row to ourselves. The only problem was that because he was so well rested he didn't want to sleep much on the flight from LA to Brisbane - he slept maybe 4 of the 13 hour flight at 20 min intervals througout the flight. When we landed in Bribane (at 6AM) I was hoping that we would get through the immigration and customs quickly but of course I was one of the last people to get all my bags. I thought I saw it right at the beginning but the crowd of people wouldn't let me get through fast enough to snatch it (seriously, something happens to people at the baggage carousels after long flights - its dog-eat-dog and having a baby is just your tough luck because people won't help you if it means potentially not grabbing their own bag - bastards). I was annoyed at the thought of waiting for it to go all the way around but was more annoyed when I realized it wasn't coming - I waited and waited and started imaging the worst, because this was my bag with all the stuff I bought while on my trip. I almost started crying because I just knew that someone had stolen it or taken it by mistake and that I would never see it again because no one in their right mind would return a suit-case full of awesome new things (including a lot of Lancome and Clinique skin care, MAC and YSL makeup, and a work wardrobe from Zara). Bastard Australians. My only consolation was that I had had the foresight to pack my new Tory Burch and Coach shoes in my carry-on bag. Then, just as I was about to go to the claims area, I saw my Samsonite with the red ribbon (yes, I know, very original, but its my parent's suitcase that I borrowed from them and I couldn't be bothered to take it off) coming around on the carousel again. I breathed a sigh of relief (I no longer was cursing all Australians and the stupid tourists to hell) and went on to customs (where I had declared some food, but luckily they just asked what I had) and I was free to go.

I have to admit, that I was really nervous about seeing Jordan. Not because I had spent so much money on shoes (because we don't have to tell husbands everything, particularly when we are in charge of all the finances - what they don't know about a few hundred dollars missing from the bank account won't hurt them) but because I was scared that Kubus wouldn't recognize his daddy and that it would break his heart (his words, not mine, every time we discussed this over the phone). But luckily, LUCKILY, for Jordan's heart, Kubus DID recognize him, or at least, he seemed to because he went to Jordan with no fuss at all and even seemed happy to see him. Then, when we got home I was able to shower, change and eat breakfast with out Kubus throwing a fit (which he would do sometimes when he realized I wasn't around). So alls well that ends well.

Anyway, I shall stop here because this is getting too long - I will be amazed if anyone finishes this post. I promise to update it more frequently from now on.

I love my face

2008-07-23T02:58:00.000-07:00

But not in the vain, I-think-I'm-beautiful way. In the last few months I've fallen in love with skin care products. I finally see my fancy label products as something good for my skin that I should be using as opposed to pretty bathroom decorations. Even though I had Clinique eye make-up remover, 9 times out of 10, I would still go to bed with my make-up on. My toner would have dust on the cap and it was half full only because I accidentally spilled a whole bunch once. I think the only skin product that I used on a regular basis would be skin cleanser - but I would only use it in the shower.

But over the past few months I've started using all of them regularly - in the morning and in the evening before bed. And I love it. I think its because since becoming a mom I don't really have time for myself the way I used to. Before Kubus was born, I wouldn't think twice about popping over to Starbucks, buying a magazine and just chilling out for a few hours. It was great, I would have some time to indulge myself in something that was just for me and that made me happy. Now I just don't have the time - or the money - to just do what I want.

Which is why I love skin care products. Because time in the bathroom is MY time. Its the only place in the house where no one can come and dump the baby on me when I just need some time to myself. As the mom, whenever Kubus starts to cry/fuss/needs to be changed, I'm always the first person people go to. Not that Jordan doesn't help out, but even he sometimes just passes him to me when he wants or needs to do something. To be honest, about half the time I say "I'm going to the bathroom", I'm just going in there to sit down and read an (old) magazine or book for 5-10 minutes. But now I've discovered that I can also say "I'm going to wash my face" and it has the same effect! Plus its a way that I feel I am indulging myself, and I feel like I did something for myself, especially since I actually have some good stuff (I stocked up in Vancouver - the duty free prices were too good to pass up). I can't wait till my trip to Canada and Poland - I'm going through LA, so the prices will be even better!

My face can't wait.

24

2008-07-19T03:38:00.000-07:00

So the espisode where Jack Bauer saves the world....

Ok, just kidding. I'm actually referring to my new age. I am officially 24. And that now puts me in the MID-twenties range. Am no longer in my early twenties (which I classify as 20-23). And I am actually kind of sad about it. I never thought I would care about my age (and I know that when I turn 40 or whatever, I'll look back at this time with longing) but for some reason I do.

However am cheered by a few things:
1) When I went to register my new iPod, I was still able to click the "18-24" age bracket button.
2) I'm still considered too young to rent a car in many countries (like here in Australia).
3) The liquor store has a right to ask me for ID (since I'm under 25).

The only down side to this happiness is that its only going to last until next year. Turning 25 will be a bummer.

The number

2008-07-16T03:13:00.000-07:00

Ok, so I've decided to share with you all the number. The real number. I am referring of course, to how much I weighed right before giving birth. Only 2 people knew this number before now - my mom, because I told her and Jordan, because he was there when I was weighed. In fact the reason that I didn't share the number with anyone before is because of Jordan's reaction when he saw it first for himself. He BURST out laughing, which in turn, caused me to BURST out crying. The doctor gave him an evil look and he quickly appologized (to her - when we left the doctors office later, fat jokes just poured out of him, followed by a "but its ok, because you're pregnant").

Well, enough dilly-dallying. So here it is. Right before giving birth I tipped the scale at an astonishing 216lbs (or 98kgs for you Europeans). I know. Its shocking. It caused me a lot of depression. It makes me cringe when I think about it now. Jordan did try and make me feel better and say its just the baby and amneotic fluid. Right, because I was carrying a 60 pounder in there. I knew it was mostly the fat that had been stock-piling in my ass and thighs - but I had been in denial. I mean, I had been weighed at all my doctors appointments but being over 200 lbs is so much worse than being close to.

I remember thinking during labor and when I was pushing (I swear, this really did cross my mind), "man, I must being burning like a million calories doing this". I sercretly hoped that I'd have lost like half the weight giving birth.

To my surprise, I did end up losing a lot. I remember I weighed myself about 5 days after Kubus was born and was pleasantly surprised to see that I'd lost 26lbs! I was no longer a 200 pounder! Then, about a month later, I got that horrible flu that was going around and thanks to intense vomiting and diarrhea, lost another 10 pounds.

But then it stopped coming off. And the depression set in. I was 180 lbs and I would now have to start actively trying to lose weight. I remember when I weighed 148 pounds at the beginning of 4th year being worried about trying to lose 10 pounds. At first, when I would moan to Jordan about being a tub of lard, he would pat my back sympathetically and say "but Kasiu, you just had a baby a month ago." Then "just had a baby 2 months ago"...then "just had a baby 3 months ago". And I made little progress. I don't know why. I was breast feeding like mad, Jordan and I were walking a lot.

By the time we got to Australia, I had only lost about 6 more pounds. That's when I decided enough was enough and that I had to do something. I started Weight Watcher's again (which I highly recommend to anyone that wants/needs to lose weight but doesn't want to have to exclude certain foods), started running and joined this bootcamp (which I have mentioned in previous posts).

Anyway, fast forward to now...I'm not at my goal yet (which is to be at my pre-wedding weight) or less before Kubes turns 1. But as of today (July 17th) I am 157lbs! Now, this is still a lot BUT its actually less than I was before I got pregnant. I can't believe how much weight I gained after the wedding, what with all the Greek food we ate on our honeymoon, constant eating out with my team at PwC and doing zero exercise.

I'm really excited because in the last week alone I lost 5 lbs! I think that the breast feeding is finally kicking in - plus I think I eat less. I'm still on WW but I'm not as strict with writing down the points as I should be, though I try and keep a mental note. And, just like Miranda on Sex and the City said "I had a baby and didn't have time to eat". Its true. I don't have time to just snack around...I just eat 3 meals a day and I'm constantly on my feet, carrying Kubes, bending over to pick up a toy, pushing his stroller...and when I do have free time, I use that time to check my email, check people.com (of course), read...I can't be bothered munching on anything. I purposefully don't go grocery shopping with Jordan and his mom because then I can't get anything easy to snack on, like chips.

Anyway, hopefully by the time I see you guys next I'll be another 10lbs thinner - thats my new goal.

Missing everyone!

I Heart IKEA

2008-06-23T00:58:00.000-07:00

When we moved here we brought with us only things that would fit in our baggage allowance. Therefore, we could not bring any furniture with us - so we decided that as soon as we got to Brisbane, we would finally buy a king bed. Since arriving in Australia (can't bring myself to call it "Oz" just yet) we've been sleeping on an old queen bed of Jordan's parents. Or rather, I've been sleeping on it and Jordan has been sleeping on a mattress from his sister's old single bed. Every night he would complain that the bed was "too f-ing uncomfortable" and would invariably end up sleeping on the aforementioned single mattress on the floor. Plus Kubes ends up in our bed every night (by 4AM I'm too exhausted to make the 5 meter trek back to his cot - its easier to just roll over and put him next to me), so on the rare occasion Jordan managed to make it through the night without ending up on the mattress on the floor, it would be a tight squeeze with the three of us. Which is why we decided that the bed we buy has to be a king bed.

So off we went to this cool furniture mall chain they have here in Australia, excited and hopeful because we were going to buy it in an adult furniture store - and by this I mean a store that sold furniture that was not IKEA. To date ALL the furniture we have is from IKEA except for an old leather couch we inherited from Jordan's parents when they moved from Florida to Egypt and a desk from Office Depot.

But to our great chagrin and dismay we couldn't find a single bed that we liked enough to buy. Did you know how expensive non-IKEA furniture is? For a nothing special bed we would have to pay like $1500 and for something a bit nicer or original, upwards of $2000. Not including a mattress. And those start at $1000. So Jordan's mom suggested we go to - where else - IKEA.

Resigned to the fact that its IKEA or a getting a mortgage to buy bedroom furniture (we also need a dresser and bedside cabinets but were willing to settle for a great bed first) we decided to swallow our pride and go to the big blue and yellow store.

And then a funny thing happened when we got there and walked through the door. I got this warm and fuzzy feeling in my stomach...and it hit me - the layout, the font on the displays, the restaurant - it was just like the IKEA in Toronto! It even smelled the same - you IKEA junkies will know what I'm talking about. Not that I expected it to be any different - but for some reason, and I don't know why, but it made me feel like I was home. The only other place that makes me feel like that here is Starbucks - but I won't get into how much I love Starbucks today - I'll save that for later. Anyway, I was also excited to see that there was a bunch of new stuff that I hadn't seen before (which goes to show that its been a while since I've been there). Then, after only a few minutes, we found THE bed. It was just what we were looking for. And there was also an awesome matching dresser with this cool mirror attached to it! Plus, we realized we could get the bed, the dresser and a mattress for less $1200! However, just as I started to plan out what kind of new bedding I would be able to get for it, the furniture gods decided to knock us down because we found out that IKEAs in Australia don't sell king beds. At all. I was near tears and Jordan got so mad, he was thisclose to storming out of the store and cursing the Swedish chain to hell. I was especially mad because I really wanted that dresser - but since its a very dark shade of brown, it wouldn't really go with any other color and since finding a decent bed is going to be a challenge as it is, we didn't want to make it more difficult for ourselves by limiting it to a single color option. So we've decided we can put up with the crap old bed we are using now for a little longer and if we don't find anything good before I go back to Canada, I'll just buy the IKEA bed there and ship it over (PwC is giving me a shipping allowance to ship stuff from Canada to Brisbane - sweet, I know).

But the moral of this story is that even though I was SO disappointed that we couldn't buy the bed (Jordan felt better once we bought him a 50 cent soft serve ice cream), it made me realize that for all my IKEA bashing I actually love the store. It and its furniture are my destiny - I can't escape it. And I can't wait to go back, even if its only to buy some picture frames and candles.

Moving sucks - but Brisbane is cool.

2008-06-21T18:50:00.000-07:00

We are now officially citizens of Brisbane, Queensland, Australia. Or, as the locals call it, "Bris-vegas" - though I'm not sure why because I think there is only one casino. I'm sure I'll get it with time. I don't totally get Australians yet. Their sense of humor is a bit more of the 'you'd-find-it-funny-if-you-were-drunk' type. Like how they add "o" to every word. Yummy is "yummo!", the Salvation Army are the "Salvos", registration is "rego", this afternoon is "this arvo". Everyone is called "mate" - men, women, old ladies, babies. Every longish word is abbreviated. McDonalds is called "Maccers", Australia is referred to as "Oz". Also, since Australia is now officially the fattest country in the world (beating the US!) the marketing department of all foods has been busy. Everything has the fat percentage written on it - even if its not something that generally has fat or much fat. For example, milk here is 98% FAT FREE! (not 2%), 99% FAT FREE! (not 1%) or TRIM - 100% FAT FREE! (skim milk). Stuff like salsa too is 99% FAT FREE! Its amazing. Even Jordan's mom falls for it. Shes like "I got the 99% fat free salsa! And the carrots I bought today are 100% FAT FREE!" Ok, I'm kidding but am surprised that the vegetable packets here don't all advertise that they are 100% FAT FREE. Think of how much more they would sell.

Anyway, I need to keep this one short because I need to take a shower - which can only be 4 minutes long because they have water shortages - but more on that later.

PS. I miss Sandy. She'll know what I mean.

Road trip to Brisbane

2008-06-11T02:45:00.000-07:00

I mentioned before that we are moving to Brisbane. Well, as part of my transfer compensation, PwC paid for me to have a relocation consultant - an agent who helps us find a place to live in.

So, Jordan decided that we should drive up there from Sydney to scout out a place. When he mentioned it, I thought sure, why not? I looked on the map and Brisbane didn't seem that far away. I thought, like 5-6 hours tops. Ha. Its actually 12 hours ONE WAY. I know, you're thinking, but Kasia, you have a 6 month old baby that needs constant entertaining! Well, I had already agreed and just threw caution to the wind and prayed those 12 hours would pass quickly.

Jordan's parents are eager beavers and wanted to leave at 6AM so that we would get there in time to have a proper meal. Normally I'd laugh at the thought, but I get up around then everyday anyway, so I was game. Plus, I figured if Kubes was still sleepy he'd fall asleep faster once we hit the road.

I have to admit, he was incredibly well behaved on the way up. I mean, don't get me wrong, he had his whiney moments, but really only lost it and cried properly in the last hour of the trip. I was actually surprised because we had just bought him a new car-seat (cost us $440 - damn safest car seat companies take advantage of freaked-out parents and charge a premium - oh well, it turns into a booster later so it should be the last one we buy and it came with two cup-holders - fancy, eh?) , which is more up-right and forward facing. Whenever he fell asleep his little head would fall forward and bob about. I felt so sorry for him - but he didn't seem to mind that much and slept as much as if he were in bed.

Anyway, even though I spent most of the 12 hour trip facing inwards towards Kubes to entertain him (when he and I weren't sleeping), I had a chance to look out the window. And I saw KANGAROOS! I had no idea that they lived so close to civilization - I always thought that they hung out with the other Australian animals, like the wombats, Tasmanian devils and whatnot in the outback somewhere. But no, there they were, chilling with the cows in the fields. Sometimes a whole pack (herd? posse? bunch? - not sure what you call a group of kangaroos together) and sometimes just one. Apparently though, seeing a kangaroo is like seeing a deer in Canada, and it isn't considered a big deal. Well, for me it was and the first time I saw one, we were driving through an area that had signs to watch out for koalas and I was so excited and confused when I saw the kangaroo, I actually yelled out "Oh my God, look its a kangaroo-la-bear!" I actually didn't think it was that funny, but Jordan's parents thought it was hysterical and for the rest of the trip kept asking me if I'd seen any more "kangaroola bears".

The 3 days in Brisbane itself were not that note-worthy - I mean, we accomplished our goal and found a place to rent for a year. Its a nice place that actually used to be some Australian wedding dress designer's studio and workshop. The benefit of that is is that it was spotless - as you would imagine a place that mostly holds expensive, white fabrics to be. Its about a 15 min commute to the center of the city and close to this cute villagey shopping area with a bunch of boutiques, cafes, restaurants and even a small movie theater. I'm really excited about it.

The trip back was...more like you would expect a 12 hour road trip with a 6 month old to be. Not that I blame poor Kubus. He must have been so sick of that car-seat by then. But I discovered one thing that could keep him from crying. And that is singing. I know, I was surprised to learn that I am actually Mariah Carey (to my son's ears) but I am. I started to go through all the songs of childhood I know - you know, Insy-Winsy Spider, Row Row Row Your Boat...then after I exhausted those, I moved on to songs I know from movies - mostly from The Sound of Music - Kubus likes "My Favorite Things" (and I like it because I know all the words) and "Doe Rae Me" (hard to mess that one up). The problem was the the SECOND I would stop singing, Kubes would screw his little face up and start crying. And if I didn't start with another song immediately, it would be too late and he would get uncontrollable. At that point the only thing I could come up with were Christmas carols. So I busted out with the Jingle Bells, the Silent Nights and some Polish ones (I thought I should mix in some Polish in there and to be honest, Polish carols are pretty much the only songs I know words too...). Anyway, after like 4 hours of singing I started to lose it and the only song that I could come up with is this random song that goes "There were 10 in the bed and the little one said, roll-over, roll-over, so they all rolled over and one fell out...and then there were 9 in the bed..." and so on. Turns out Kubus LOVED this song. He would burst out into a little giggle whenever I started on a new number. And I was so relieved, that once I got to "1 in the bed" I couldn't stop and would just start over again from 10. By the time we arrived at home, I think I sang it like 7 times in a row. At one point I tried to go back to a different song but couldn't remember the words because I was so tired - so I just stuck to the "10 in the bed" song. Let me tell you, I hope I never have to sing that song again for as long as I live.

All in all, I would consider the trip successful - but I don't ever want to do it again. Nor do any of the other adults in the house want to hear my singing for 12 hours, so they unanimously decided to let me and Kubus fly up to Brisbane when we move this Monday. I'd be insulted but I'm just way too relieved to be.

Thats all for now. Will update again soon.

Kasia

5 months - part 2

2008-06-08T03:18:00.000-07:00

So...the move. To be honest, the main reason that we're in Australia now is because Jordan really wanted to go and I felt that I owed it to him, since he stuck it out in Canada for 5 years for me. He was getting bored with his job (he was an independent contractor working for a US tech firm) and decided that he wanted to get an MBA - and thought that it would be nice for a change to go to his part of the world to do it. Jordan's parents moved there (or rather, here since I'm here now) a year ago with the plan of moving up to Brisbane, on the east coast after Jordan's sister is done high school, where they planned to build or buy a home to retire in. This worked out well for us, because we figured that when I go back to work, and if Jordan is in school, his mum could watch Kubus. I have to admit, I was totally dreading the thought of putting the little guy into daycare and a nanny would not only be expensive, but I know that I would be jealous of her. I would end up pulling a Britney and would fire the nanny whenever I thought my baby was getting too attached (its true, I read about it in People or OK or something else credible). Anyway, after the family all left after I had the baby Jordan and I started talking and one day we just decided we would move. I could tell that Jordan was just feeling a bit restless too - and I considered it to be an adventure, so we bought one way tickets.

Let me tell you the trip over here was interesting. I was so thankful (and incredibly smug) because Kubus was an angel on the flight from Toronto to Vancouver and then from Vancouver to Auckland (we flew to New Zealand first to introduce him to Jordan's extended family). Jordan and I would look over at the other crying babies and smirkingly go on about how they are such brats and how good Kubus is, congratulating ourselves on our parenting skills. HA. God decided we needed to be taken down a peg or two and had Kubus SCREAM for half the flight from New Zealand to Sydney. I have to say, I was SO embarrassed and I felt sorry for the other passengers (I tried to avoid eye contact because I'm sure there were lots of evil looks). I also felt sorry for Kubus because something must have been really bothering him, I think he had a tummy-ache. It was so bad that at the end of the flight, one couple with kids came up to me and said I was doing a really good job. It actually made me feel better.

Fast forward to now...well, we arrived in Sydney in the first week of April and I have to admit, that it was on that first day there, in Jordan's parents house that they rented, that it really hit me that I've moved...and that I moved somewhere that I've never been to before and that I didn't have any of my stuff. I was actually homesick for the first time in my life. I mean, we only brought what would fit in our baggage allowance and the baby stuff took up more room that I thought...plus at that stage I was going through an awkward fat stage of not fitting into any of my old clothes, but not wanting to waste money on fat transition clothes, so I wasn't sure what to take. I didn't want to waste room bringing stuff that might not fit for months (or ever, but I'm totally in denial about it even being a possibility) but also didn't only want to be stuck with stretchy black pants and hoodies. But the main point is that I really didn't feel "at home" at Jordan's parents house. Don't get me wrong, they are nice people and I get along with them better than probably 99% of people do with their in-laws...and we are paying them rent...but when you want to do little things like watch TV you feel guilty, worrying that someone else wants to watch something and are secretly annoyed....plus Jordan's mom is like Martha Stewart. Her house is always spotless and I feel like I'm just making more work for her. Its getting much better now - but I still have days when I yearn for the snow covered ground of Toronto...

Anyway...I realized when I read over my previous email that I didn't really mention Kubus himself much and how he's changed. Now, don't worry ladies, this is NOT going to be a list of reasons why I think he's a genius and that they should offer him a place at Harvard now (even though I'm surprised I haven't received the pre-acceptance letter yet, but I'm not going to hold it against Harvard - I'm sure its in the mail). No. I will NOT do that to you. But I do want to say that he's such an awesome kid. I often look at him and just say "Jordan, oh my God, look how cute he is - come here and see" - and Jordan will come over and say "he IS cute". We do this on average 10 times a day. Also, sometimes he's in this awesome mood where he'll laugh and giggle for no reason - anything we do seems hilarious to him. Its so funny to watch. Though I must admit that he did inherit my dad's and Jordan's temper. He is the king of "packing a shit" as we lovingly call it, when something doesn't go his way. And he HATES getting dressed. Honestly, he will scream bloody murder when I try to put his pants or a shirt on. You'd think I was scalding him with hot oil. He's really fascinated by Rosie, Jordan's parents dog, even though she hates him. She's so jealous of him, especially when Jordan's mom pays attention to him - she refuses to look him in the eye, and growls if we bring him close to her. And I don't think it helps that his version of petting her is grabbing her fur and not letting go.

The one issue we are dealing with now is that we've started calling him Kubes - like boobs. I think it started because I'd call him goober, which turned into goobs, and now Kubes. Jordan's mom is worried that if we keep it up, kids will call him Pubes when he goes to school...and i think shes right. Oh well. we'll cross that bridge when we get there.

I decided since I have all this time now, I have no excuse not to finally get into shape. Jordan and I started running - we try to go every day while Jordan's mom watches Kubes. Also I joined this boot-camp fitness class. I was kind of hoping that it would be full of fatties and that I would be the thin one, but when I got there it was 3 guys who look like they should be in the olympics and 2 girls, one of whom I think is another instructor at the place and the other is this thin little thing who claims she wants muscles. Bitch (just kidding). Anyway, it actually makes me the token fat person. Oh well. It just makes me that much more motivated. I'm pretty sure its starting to kick in 'cause I've lost over 5 pounds in 2 weeks. And now that I've made a public declaration of losing the weight I have to lose the remaining weight. (FYI - breast feeding does help with weight loss but does NOT "melt away the pounds" like I was told) I'll send you guys "before and after" pictures. My goal is to be back to my pre-wedding weight before Kubes' 1st birthday.

Kasia

PS. Oh I forgot to mention that I did get a transfer, and will be working at PricewaterhouseCoopers in Brisbane starting November.

5 month update - part 1

2008-06-08T03:15:00.000-07:00

I realized today that since Kubus is going to be 5 months old in 2 days, now would be a good time to update you guys on life as a mother, my recent move and other things that you may (or may not) find interesting - and Julia told me to write another mass email, so this is really to humor her (kidding).

So, what has my experience of being a mother been like? Here's my top 7 things that I learned:

1. It is amazing how little sleep you need to function. I used to think that I needed at least 8 hours of sleep to feel normal but I've decided that sleep is over-rated. In truth, as long as I get 3 hours in a row, I'm golden. It is now my opinion that if you're waking up after sunrise, you are lazy. Haha, yeah right - honestly, after some nights of getting up so many times I can't keep track, if I were offered a million dollars or 3 hours of solid, uninterrupted sleep, I would take sleep HANDS DOWN.

2. Its amazing how interesting (or panic creating) poo can be. Seriously - I was totally freaked out at first because Kubus would only poo every 2 or 3 days. Then when he did, there was the analysis of the poo - how big is it, is it too runny, too smelly, why is it green when its supposed to be mustard colored!?!?!? I got over it eventually when my doctor told us that breast-fed babies can poo as much as 5-6 times a day or NOT AT ALL because its very efficient food that doesn't create a lot of waste. He still only poos every 2-3 days and now I consider myself lucky - I mean, who wants to change poo diapers (or nappies for you brits) if you have to?

3. How much I don't care about people seeing my boobs. Before I had Kubus, I used to look at women breast-feeding in public in disbelief, and vowed I would never embarrass myself/make people uncomfortable like that when I had a baby. Well, thats out the window - I tell you once you give birth with 30 people looking at your va-jay-jay, nothing can top that and whats a little nipple on display every once in a while? Don't get me wrong - its not like I do the African thing and have my boobs hanging out all the time, but I have no qualms about (discretely) whipping one out in restaurants, mall benches, the subway...its much more preferable to me to have people see my boobs than to have to hold a screaming baby.

4. How much I would love my baby. I'm ashamed to admit that while I was pregnant I used to wonder sometimes if it was really worth it to give up so many things for a baby and I wondered if I would really love him, because even though inside me, he felt like a stranger. And even in the first few days, I wasn't sure what to think of him - I mean, I was proud of him and thought he was cute - but it didn't hit me until a bit later (once I started to recover) how powerful my feeling for him were. And I know this is cliche, but I honestly love him more and more everyday. When he smiles at me, its like for that second I feel like my life if totally perfect, like its proof that there is a God because there is no other explanation for how wonderful it is.

5. Patience. I can't believe how much more patient I am now. Its amazing - Kubus sometimes has these terrible tummy-aches and will SCREAM for up to 2 hours and the whole time I'm only concerned with his pain and not at all with the screaming itself. I'm also more patient with Jordan, with my parents and just with motherly things, like breastfeeding (its boring sitting there for 30 min or an hour in pitch dark at night, waiting for him to finish eating and go back to sleep - sometimes I watch sex and the city episodes in my head but I usually end up being too tired so I just stare into the dark). I'm also not so bothered by other babies crying. On the plane I was GRATEFUL that some other babies cried because if Kubus cried, then at least he wasn't the only one. Though I still get annoyed by screaming kids when i go to the mall and look at them as little germ-infested brats who should never be let out.

6. I want a "mom" hair cut - and a mini van. Ok, I'm kidding about the mini-van - and if anyone ever hears me saying I do want one, please feel free to slap me and tell me to snap out of it. But seriously, I am thinking about cutting my hair. One thing that they don't tell you is that hormones can screw up your body. In my case, one of the worst physical side-effects of this post-partum period has been hair loss. I thought I got lucky because during pregnancy, my hair became fuller, longer and SO healthy looking. But now its falling out by the clump full - I actually have bald patches, especially visible along my hair line - I look like I lost a good inch of it it in the front. And even though I love Jordan's mom, when I told her what was happening she said "ah, yes, my hair fell out after I had my babies and it never grew back" - I stared at her in disbelief and Jordan shot her an evil look and I guess she realized what she just said and tried to make it better by adding "but I'm sure that won't happen to you". Anyway, it depresses me when I think about it. Hence the need to cut my hair because it look gross when I pull it back and my pony tail is so skinny now, it looks like a rat-tail. Ok, I might be exaggerating a little, and I think its starting to grow back in places, but it also doesn't help that Kubus loves to grab at it and pull.

7. How much I still love celebrity gossip. You'd think that having a baby would put things into perspective for me, but I can't help it. I still log on to People.com whenever I get a chance and I secretly feel cool because it seems to be the "in" thing to have a baby now. Kind of like having that new "it" bag before everyone. And I still think that one of the coolest things about my trip over here was that I saw Emily Blunt (the assistant girl from Devil Wears Prada) in the business class lounge in the Vancouver airport - and that she was interrupted from reading a script when Kubus decided to throw a fit (she looked at us as if she would gladly have us leave).

OK...its now 9PM in Sydney and its my bed time. Going to sleep any later than 10PM would be like going to sleep at 4AM for a normal person and having to get up for work the next day. It sucks because I miss all the good TV shows - but luckily Jordan's parents have a PVR so I can record things (when I remember).

Kasia

The email thats started it all...

2008-06-08T03:08:00.000-07:00

WARNING! THERE MAYBE "TOO MUCH INFORMATION" HERE

Hello ladies!

As you all probably know by now, my and Jordan's son was born on December 1st - so exactly a week ago (though it seems like MONTHS). Anyway, I thought I share my experience of the birth and after with you guys - but this includes the ugly (like pooping on the delivery table - but more on THAT later) with the good (losing 26 lbs in 5 days - really! Now only 300 more to go...) so consider yourselves warned.

After two false alarms (sorry Sandy!), when my contractions started on November 29th after my dr gave me a vigorous internal exam called "stripping the membranes" and didn't stop 24 hours later (though they were irregular and varied in intensity), we were all pretty sure that this was "it" this time (though Jordan was sure that finding out I passed the UFE is what did it). Anyway, so at about 5PM we decided to head to the hospital as the contractions were coming pretty much every 5-6 minutes. By the time we got to the hospital, they had started to get much stronger but when the doctor examined me he said that i was "only" 4cm dilated and that they wouldn't admit me! I almost started to cry 'cause I really didn't want to go home. Luckily he said he didn't want me to go home either - and suggested we walk around the hospital for an hour or two and then get re-examined do see how much progress I was making. The only place we could find to kind of hang out in was the cafeteria, and since it was closed, there was no one there. We sent the moms off to get some food for Jordan (the doc told me to not eat anything and only drink little amounts of water) and we walked around the cafeteria. It was so boring (imagine doing laps around a room full of plastic tables and chairs) and since we didn't bring our bags with entertainment in them with us, the only thing to read was a job postings paper. We would read a page of ads after every lap. Like, did you know that as a truck driver you can make up to $1100 a week? I didn't - in fact, I always thought that they made more. Oh and we learned that we can rent the baby out (if he's cute enough, which he clearly is) to film studios etc and can make like $30K a year for ads/movies/tv shows etc. We are considering it (haha, yeah right).

Well, during these laps around the cafeteria, the pain of the contractions got MUCH worse after just an hour - like you can't talk, can't think but can only breathe heavily and moan kind of pain and I was starting to panic in my head (thinking like, holy crap, I'm not even in enough pain to get ADMITTED, what the F is it going to be like when its considered real??) and started thinking maybe we decided to get pregnant too early, though it was a little late for that. Anyway, we decided to wait till the moms got back and then we headed back to get me examined.

Once in the examination room, the doc told me that I was 5cm and could be admitted. He also saw my face (i.e how much pain I was in) and told me about the option of getting an epidural again (I had declined one earlier, thinking that I might be able to go au natural - HA! Man was I delusional). He convinced me to get one and off I went. Honestly, it was a good choice - by then the contractions were SO strong and so frequent, some on top of one another, that I didn't get even get the chance to rest in between them...

Luckily, the anesthesiologist came to my labor room right away to get me hooked up to the drugs. For those of you who don't know or aren't sure, an epidural is a huge needle that they SCREW INTO YOUR BACK and then attach an IV of pain meds into. Jordan said he almost passed out when he saw how big it was (I didn't see it thank God). Getting it put in was not the most pleasant cause the contractions were coming so close together and he would have to stop every time because you have to be completely still when its being inserted. So the whole thing took like 15 minutes or more to do. Also this was the point where I let out a huge fart, pretty much right into the anesthesiologist's face - now, I was completely embarrassed because you pretty much lose control of all bodily functions once in labor so I didn't even feel it sneaking up on me (Jordan almost pissed himself - I think this was his favorite part of the labor) and I apologized profusely - the guy didn't care (at least thats what he said) and continued to sing his Hindi song (oh right, I just realized that as he was working away screwing this needle into my back, he was singing this Hindi song - you know the type you hear in Indian restaurants etc - its hard to do an impression over email). But whatever - he was my favorite person at the moment 'cause once the epidural was in and the drugs started to flow, it was HEAVEN.

Ok, skipping forward...once I got my epidural, a few minutes later my waters broke (on their own!) and after that I progressed really quickly. The only interesting thing that happened during this time was when I projectile vomited half a bottle of Gatorade across the room. Since I hadn't eaten dinner before we went to the hospital and I was only allowed to sip small amounts of water or juice, I ended up drinking more than I should and the hormones or whatever didn't let me keep it down. In total I threw up 4 times during the labor, but the projectile vomit was the only one that was really worth mentioning.

Anyway, at some point I was fully dilated and the doc wanted me to get some sleep before trying to push, since the baby wasn't quite low enough. And then the fun really began. For the pushing, basically you "push" (and this is best described as trying to push out a huge poo - the nurse and doc were even like, "push like you're trying to have a bowl movement - you should feel it against your rectum") when a contraction comes. I was really nervous, 'cause I heard that like 50% of women end up pooing on the table during this stage and I was TERRIFIED it would happen to me - not because I would be embarrassed (well, I would be a bit) in front of the dr and nurse (they've seen it all) but because I KNEW Jordan would never let me forget - and that he would tell everyone. Anyway, after a few attempts of trying not to poo while still effectively pushing I gave up - and just started giving it my all. At some point I just stopped caring too because I was getting exhausted. Well, ladies, to spare you the suspense, I did end up pooping on the table - a little (so its not like I pushed out this huge log, just a few little squirts), which I didn't (and Jordan didn't) see but unfortunately could smell a little. Oh well.

So I pushed and pushed for about 2 hours and the dr checked me and....hardly ANY progress had been made - meaning that the baby had not descended that much. I just about cried 'cause I was so drained and in pain by then that I didn't know how I would continue. You see, the epidural is only so strong and at some point, you will feel pain - which is actually the point for the pushing because you need to be able to feel the contraction in order to push efficiently. The dr suggested I take a nap for an hour and try pushing again. Jordan and I were both exhausted by this point so we really welcomed the idea. Let me tell you, the hour flew by and even though I was in pain, I was able to give myself a top up of the epidural (at the hospital i gave birth in, they give you this trigger thingy with which you can top up the pain meds from the base level every 15 min) which helped me kind of doze (though I was woken up by the contractions every time). Then doc and nurse came to wake us and try pushing again.

This is where it got scary. I pushed for 2 HOURS more and still very little progress had been made (though you could just see the baby's head when I pushed) and the dr had said that if it wasn't better by 10AM, we would have to go for a forecepts delivery and if that didn't work, a C-section. This broke my heart and I started crying. I couldn't believe that with a relatively easy labor and all that pain and exhaustion of pushing I might end up with a C-section. I kind of felt like I had failed or something. They brought in an OB specialist who told me we could try the forecepts first and then see if a C-section was needed or go straight for a C-section. I honestly didn't know what to do 'cause forecepts are pretty brutal. They are basically these huge metal salad spoons which are put into you and clamped over the baby's head, and the docs pull the baby out while you push - and the ALWAYS have to cut you open a bit more down there for everything to fit. And I thought, well if this doesn't work, I have a cut down there AND abdominal surgery?? That would be just so unfair. I just cried and told Jordan he had to make the decision because I just couldn't. He decided we should try the forecepts first anyway.

So they wheeled me into an OR. It was really scary - there were like 30 people in there, all these nurses, my dr, my nurse, the OB specialist, an OB resident, 2 pediatricians, a med student and a new anesthesiologist. I had my legs put into these huge clamps and was told to push. This was the most painful bit because I actually felt them go in and do whatever it is they were doing. The anesthesiologist kept giving me more drugs but I honestly don't think they worked (or if they did, well then I would have probably passed out from the pain if I had no drugs). Usually, with forecepts deliveries a couple of pushes is all it takes but for me it took like 15 or 20. It was excruciating. The anesthesiologist was super sweet and kept trying to distract me, telling me to think of baby names (we still hadn't had one picked out by then). To tell the shameful truth, by then I didn't even care about the baby anymore. I didn't care about anything except how much pain I was in and for some reason, the only thought that came to my head was that if this were medieval times or even later, I would for SURE have been one of those women that died during childbirth. However, we finally got to the point to where I could feel the baby coming out so I really gave it my all and pushed. It was amazing. And once he was out, I feel like I forgot about all the pain and all I could think was I have my baby. The nurse took him to the pediatricians to get checked out and I sent Jordan over to be with him while the dr.'s stitched up my poor va-jay-jay.

Ok, skipping forward again...I was in the hospital for 3 days (he was born Saturday morning and we came home Tuesday). It is so much nicer to be home - those first 3 days seemed to last forever. I think I had 6 hours of cumulative sleep during the entire 3 days, not to mention the little sleep I got before the baby was born. I couldn't sleep much during the night cause I was scared the baby would stop breathing (yes, I know, I know) so I would look into his bassinet like every 5 min and during the day the nurses and hospital staff kept coming in to check up on us and of course it would always be when I was trying to sleep. Since we've been home its been much better. I'm having a bit of a hard time with the breast feeding so I have to pump a bit to supplement him - but hopefully this will pass soon. Jakub is SUCH a good baby too - so far we've been so lucky with how calm he is and how much he sleeps. He really only cries when we change his diaper or when he's hungery, but is really easily settled. Also, we're lucky to have both our moms so I don't have to worry about dinner/laundry/keeping the place clean - I'm truly blessed with both of them...also, if I need to take a nap, there is always someone to watch him. However, I was feeling (and still am feeling) really exhausted and worn out, even more than I expected...and it wasn't getting better, in fact, I felt worse than after delivery. It turned out that I have a severe bladder infection and my stitches in my va-jay-jay also got infected. So I walk with the speed of an 80 year old man in need of a hip replacement and both sitting and standing up at terribly painful for me. Plus, this is something they don't tell you, I have NO bladder control. Its like I have to force myself to go to the bathroom every 2-3 hours and just sit on the toilet to see if pee comes out, cause I might pee myself (this unfortunately happened in the hospital - Jordan made me laugh and I wet myself completely - and no, it wasn't like a few drops, it was my entire BLADDER. I was so mad at him but I was both laughing and crying at the same time). Luckily, at the hospital they are prepared and I had a super absorbent pad on me and underneath me. Oh and the hormones...the hormones are really kicking my ass now. As you all probably know I am a crier - when I got pregnant I became an even bigger crier...now, its like pregnant me on crack. A sad story (my mom was telling Jordan and his mom about how horrible giving birth during communist Poland was and the stories she told had me really upset), a happy story (about the winner of Britain's Got Talent winner Paul Potts - he's an amazing singer) a song on the radio (I was taking a bath and Jordan put on a Foo Fighters CD and the song "Hands on a Miracle" came on and I lost it and started sobbing in the bath even though I have no idea what the song is about but the title just got to me I guess), any classical music (Andrea Botcelli kills me) and really just LOOKING at Kubus (Polish version of Jake or Jakey) I get emotional. The best is when I spontaneously burst into tears for no reason and everyone looks at me, all concerned and is like "whats wrong?", and I respond with a "I-I-I don't don't knoooooowwww!" which just makes it worse.

Wow, this is a LONG email...I should probably wrap it up but I have to mention one thing and that is how great Jordan (and my mom and his mom) has been throughout the entire thing. He is totally in love with our little man and its the sweetest thing in the world to see them cuddling. The other day (or rather in the middle of the night) Jordan and Kubus fell asleep together on the bed, with Jordan's arm wrapped around him while I was in the bathroom forcing myself to pee - going wee wee now takes about 10-15 min cause I have to a) make sure that I'm actually done - once I got up and noticed there was still a stream going and b) I can't wipe yet so I have to squirt water down there to get clean and after dab it for a bit till its dry. Honestly, one of the things I'm looking forward to the most is being able to pee normally. But I digress... I was talking about Jordan being amazing. He's also been so sweet to me and was great during the labor and delivery. Poor guy, the delivery was really hard on him - he felt so helpless when they were using the forecepts and I was crying...but he just held my hand and told me he loved me...later he said it was horrible because he honestly thought that I would die or that he would have to make the decision of whether I or the baby should live.

Ok, I'm really going to finish now. I miss you all - it seems like forever since I talked or saw any of you guys...I hope that even though i've had this baby I'll be able to keep in touch and also hope that you understand if I decline certain events/outings etc for a while. Keep me up to date on your lives!

Lots of love,

Kasia

PS. Oh yeah, I just have to add this - remember how I said there was a med student in the delivery room? Well it turned out to be a friend from university's (Linda) fiancee, whom I have not only met in the past but also have had dinner with on occasion and chatted with at a bunch of parties. Its weird knowing that someone I know (esp since its a guy) has literally seen ALL of me...probably more than even my own husband. I don't really care and I didn't even realize until afterwards when he and the resident came to check up on me. I think it was weirder for him when he realized (also after) than me. During the delivery I couldn't care less if everyone I knew was watching.

Ok, for real, I'm done. XXX Kasia